royal caribbean family cruise ships

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WHY CRUISING IS THE BEST WAY TO VACATION WITH THE FAMILY

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Who says a family vacation has to be all about the kids? While the young ones are off exploring onboard or having a blast at the award-winning Adventure Ocean youth program, reconnect with your partner over dinner at one of the fleet’s world class specialty restaurants, catch a Broadway spectacular in the Main Theater, or get down on the dance floor to the sounds of a DJ or a talented live band.

KID-APPROVED CARE

Craving a little grown-up time? Both Adventure Ocean and the Royal Babies & Tots programmes provide care and educational activities for kids in different age groups. Adventure Ocean also offers a Late Night Party Zone group sitting for children aged 3 and 11 between the hours of 10 p.m. and 2 a.m., so you can enjoy a stress-free adults-only night out on deck.

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PENCIL IN A PARENTS’ NIGHT OUT

While the kids are at play, indulge in the ultimate date night with your partner in adventure. Kick things off with a dinner to remember, followed by a glass of your favorite wine at Vintages or a singalong session at Schooner Bar. Then keep the party going long into the night at a live stand-up comedy show before you take a whirl on the dancefloor at Club Twenty.

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Best Royal Caribbean Ships For Families – Complete Guide

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Royal Caribbean is well known for its family friendly cruise ships with lots of activities for kids of all ages. If you’re looking for a cruise that the whole family can enjoy, Royal Caribbean is the cruise line for you.

As someone who has cruised on Royal Caribbean since I was 4 years old and through my teen years, I know first-hand which are the best Royal Caribbean cruise ships for families .

Cruise ships aren’t one size fits all, so it’s important to choose the right cruise ship for your families’ needs and preferred vacation style.

With that being said, here are the best Royal Caribbean ships for families, plus everything you need to know about the kid’s club on Royal Caribbean.

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6 Best Royal Caribbean Ships for Families

1. oasis of the seas.

The Oasis of the Seas is one or the largest ships in the world. As someone who cruised on the Oasis of the Seas recently, I’ll be the first one to say that this is the ultimate cruise ship for families!

With multiple restaurants, fantastic entertainment and endless activities, the Oasis of the Seas has something for every member of the family. For a ship with over 6,700 passengers, somehow the Oasis never feels overly crowded.

Now if you’re thinking about food that is great for kids and families, there are many free casual food options including Sorrento’s Pizza, El Loco Fresh and the Dog House.

Additionally, the Windjammer Marketplace (buffet) has a wide variety of options. If you prefer a sit down meal, the main dining room has great food and service. You’ll also find plenty of specialty restaurants that have an extra charge.

There are multiple entertainment venues onboard the Oasis of the Seas, including the Aqua Theatre, Studio B (ice skating show) and the Royal Theatre.

A few other fun things to do for families are a parade and a 70’s show, all happening in the Royal Promenade.

On sea days , the pool area is a great place to hang out with the family. There are multiple hot tubs and pools, and there is even poolside ice cream for those who have a sweet tooth.

Just because you’re on a family cruise, doesn’t mean that you can’t have some adult only alone time!

On Oasis of the Seas, you’ll find a beautiful solarium pool with hot tubs. The solarium pool area is a perfect adult only escape while your kids are in the kid’s club.

Activities on the Oasis of the Seas:

• The Ultimate Abyss (10 story dry slide)
• Water Slides
• Flow Rider Surf Simulator
• Basketball Court
• Miniature Golf Course

Related: What’s Included on Oasis of the Seas (Entertainment, Activities, Food & Drink)

2. Navigator of the Seas

The Navigator of the Seas is a great option for those who are looking to travel on a budget. The Navigator of the Seas may not be as big as the Oasis class ships, however this Voyager class ship still has some amazing activities!

Since it was recently refurbished, the Navigator of the seas has a beautiful new look and some incredible new attractions. Escape rooms, laser tag and water slides were all recently added to this ship, which is a big hit among kids.

If your kids love waterslides, the will love what the Navigator of the Seas has to offer. This cruise ship has multiple slides, including a two person tube slide that has you suspended over the water.

The Navigator of the Seas has some delicious included restaurants, like El Loco Fresh, Windjammer Café and the main dining room. There is also a wide variety of specialty restaurants, that have an extra charge .

Related: What to Pack for a Royal Caribbean Cruise: The Ultimate Guide

3. Quantum of the Seas

The Quantum of the Seas is one of the best cruises for families . This is a sister ship to the Anthem of The Seas and the Ovation of The Seas cruise ships.

In comparison to the Oasis class ships, the Quantum of the seas is smaller (although still a big ship at 168,000 tons). Quantum of the Seas holds just under 5,000 passengers.

The Quantum of the Seas has some cool and unique attractions: bumper karts, indoor sky diving and the North Star.

The North Star is a ride that brings you 300 feet above sea level where you’ll have beautiful view of the ocean and cruise ship. This ride accommodates up to 14 passengers and last for around 15-20 minutes. Depending on the time of day and sailing, charges may apply for the North Star.

The Quantum of the Seas has multiple pools and hot tub areas including the main pool, an indoor pool and a beautiful adult only pool area.

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4. Voyager of the Seas

The Voyager of the Seas is one of the older ships on this list, however it was recently refurbished in 2019. On the Voyager of the Seas, you can expect family favorites like ice skating shows, water slides and a surf simulator.

While your kids are at Adventure Ocean kid’s club, feel free to enjoy the beautiful adult only solarium. This is a great place to relax in a calm and quiet environment, while your children are having the time of their lives!

One of the great things about Voyager class cruise ships their size. At 137,000 tons, the Voyager of the Seas is a large ship with many onboard attractions and activities.

This ship size is great for families with younger kids that might find Oasis class ships overwhelming in size. While the Oasis of the Seas has many bells and whistles, the Voyager of the Seas has many great activities as well.

Related: How to Save Money on a Cruise: 27 Tips, Tricks & Hacks

5. Wonder of the Seas

The Wonder of the Seas is Royal Caribbean ‘s newest ship. This is the sister ship to the Oasis of the Seas, Allure of the Seas, Harmony of the Seas, Symphony of the Seas and the Utopia of the Seas (coming soon!).

Currently, Wonder of the Seas is the largest cruise ship in the world, holding 6,988 passengers. This cruise is loaded with fun activities, top notch entertainment and amazing food.

Wonder of the Seas has many of the same activities as the Oasis, like the zip lines, rock climbing, water slides, surf simulators and the Ultimate Abyss.

When it comes to onboard entertainment, the Wonder of the Seas has the “INTENSE” aqua show. This show is incredible as it features dancers, acrobats and high divers.

The Wonder of The Seas has a wide variety of stateroom options for families, from economical inside cabins to next level family suites.

6. Freedom of the Seas

The Freedom of the Seas is one of the three Freedom class cruise ships. At about 155,000 tons, this cruise ship is a bit larger than the Voyager class ships, and smaller than the Oasis class.

When it comes to the best cruise ships for families, this list wouldn’t be complete without the Freedom of the Seas.

Since it got refurbished back in 2015, the Freedom of the Seas now has some new attractions and activities . Royal Caribbean added water slides, laser tag, and the Flowrider Surf Simulator to the cruise ship.

One of the biggest advantages of doing a family cruise on Freedom of the Seas is its value, which is amazing for families cruising on a budget .

Since the Freedom of the Seas is not one of the newest Royal Caribbean cruise ships, the price is often lower than other newer cruise ships.

However, don’t let its age fool you. The Freedom of the Seas is full of some amazing features and fun things to do!

Related: What to Wear on a Royal Caribbean Cruise (dress code & outfit photos)

Royal Caribbean Kid’s Club Information

One of the best parts about cruising for families is the kid’s club. The kid’s club, Royal Caribbean’s Adventure Ocean, is a place where children and teens can hang out in a supervised and safe environment.

Children are divided by age group, which allows for each age group to have a unique set of activities. Here’s how the children are divided:

Adventure Ocean Age Groups:

• Royal Babies & Royal Tots (6-36 months)
• Aquanauts (ages 3-5)
• Explorers (ages 6-8)
• Voyagers (ages 9-11)
• Teens (ages 12-14)
• Teens (ages 15-17)

Royal Babies & Royal Tots Information (6-36 months)

The Royal Babies and Royal Tots program is offered on select Royal Caribbean ships. This program is for younger children who are not old enough to attend the Adventure Ocean kid’s club.

There is a 1 staff to 3 children ratio, to ensure that each child gets the proper supervision. There are activities for the young kids throughout the day, like play time, watching movies and art sessions, which parents can participate in.

This program costs $6 per hour, per child, between 9 am to 6 pm and $8 per hour, per child, between 6 pm and midnight.

The Royal Babies and Royal Tots program makes cruising with young children a lot easier and it’s one of the many reasons that Royal Caribbean is one of the best cruise lines for families.

Aventure Ocean Information Ages 3-11:

Those who take part in the Adventure Ocean kid’s club will have the time of their lives. As a kid, my parents could never get me out of the kids club, because it was so much fun!

Here’s a list of activities for the Adventure Ocean Kid’s Club:

• Scavenger Hunts
• Movie Night (in private movie theater)
• Pirate Night
• Pyjama Night
• Talent Show
• Sports Tournaments
• Video Games

Adventure Ocean Hours:

• 9 AM- 12 PM
• 2 PM – 5 PM
• 7 PM – 10 PM
• 10 PM – 2 AM (Additional Fee)

Overall, Adventure Ocean is a blast and the kids will absolutely love it. The staff are great and they keep things fun and exciting throughout your cruise.

Adventure Ocean Teen’s Club Information (Ages 12-17)

The teen club on Royal Caribbean is a great place for young people on a cruise to meet and hang out. In the teen’s club there is a dance floor, video game areas and activities going on throughout the day.

As a teenager who has cruised on Royal Caribbean , I can say that they have one of the best youth programs at sea. The staff are super friendly. Plus, the kid’s club is a cool area to hang out and the activities are super fun.

Here’s a list of activities for the Adventure Ocean Teen Club:

• Pool Parties
• Casino Night
• Battle of the Sexes
• Themed Dance Parties
• Beach Volley Ball

Adventure Ocean Teens Hours (ages 12-17):

• 7 PM – 1 AM

If you have a teenager, they will absolutely love going to the teen’s club. It’s a great place for them to meet new people, participate in activities and have the vacation of a lifetime!

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Final Thoughts on The Best Royal Caribbean Ships for Families

Well there it is, the best Royal Caribbean ships for Families!

When it comes to a cruise line that every member of the family can enjoy, you can’t go wrong with Royal Caribbean. No matter what cruise you decide to book, Royal Caribbean will be a great time for the whole family.

In his post, I shared the 6 best Royal Caribbean cruises for families and everything you need to know about the kids club on Royal Caribbean.

Are you planning a Royal Caribbean cruise? Please let me know in the comments below.

Happy Cruising!

P.S. If you found this helpful, please don’t keep it to yourself ;-). Please share on Facebook or PIN to your favorite Pinterest board (share buttons at the top). Thanks so much!

Author Bio: Ethan Schattauer writes about fashion, travel and college advice on the website WhatToWearMen.com . As a frequent cruiser, Ethan shares his unique perspective on what cruising is like for teens and young adults.

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8 Best Royal Caribbean Ships for Kids (2023)

Ever thought of turning your family vacations into thrilling voyages? Here’s the thing: cruising isn’t just for grownups, and Royal Caribbean is the cruise waving the flag high for family fun at sea. With heart-racing slides, dreamlike nurseries, and even onboard surf Virtual Reality simulators, Royal Caribbean adds a pinch of magic dust to the concept of family holidays.

But with so many fantastic vessels in their fleet, which are the best Royal Caribbean ships for kids ? Fear not, this is your compass to navigate the choices. Welcome aboard Funky Cruise, your fun-filled guide to child-friendly cruising!

Why Choose a Royal Caribbean Ship for a Family Vacation?

When it comes to family-friendly cruising, Royal Caribbean is an unmatched champion. This cruise line has made a remarkable commitment to ensure every member of the family, no matter how tiny, can have a grand time at sea. They are not merely ‘allowing’ kids on board; they’re rolling out the red carpet for our little seafarers.

Imagine ice skating rinks and laser tag arenas. Picture kid-friendly pools, bumper cars, or a rock-climbing wall – and we’re still just scratching the surface. Royal Caribbean’s Adventure Ocean® program provides educational activities tailored to all age groups, making these cruises both fun and enriching.

Why are cruises good for kids? Simple! They provide a smorgasbord of experiences and learnings in one safe, contained environment. It’s like the entire world is brought to them, in the most entertaining way possible. For the young ones, a Royal Caribbean family vacation is nothing short of an epic adventure.

What Makes a Cruise Ship Great for Kids?

Now, this might have crossed your mind: “ What are the best Royal Caribbean cruise ships for kids ?” Before we get down to the nitty-gritty, let’s talk about what makes a cruise ship tick the ‘kid-friendly’ box.

First and foremost, onboard activities are pivotal. A great ship for kids will have a slew of exciting options that go beyond the traditional swimming pool. Think water slides, zip lines, mini-golf, and climbing walls. Royal Caribbean ups the ante with surf simulators, ice skating rinks, and even skydiving simulators!

Next up, the amenities. Kid-friendly dining options, age-appropriate movies in the cinema, and family staterooms spacious enough to fit the clan without stepping on Lego bricks (or each other) are essential. Bonus points for interconnecting rooms, so you can have your own space but keep the kiddos in sight.

Kids Clubs deserve a special mention. They are the beating heart of a child-friendly cruise ship, offering a variety of engaging and educational activities. Royal Caribbean’s Adventure Ocean® stands out, catering to different age groups from tiny tots to hard-to-please teens.

Lastly, we have family rooms. A ship designed with kids in mind will offer family-friendly accommodations. Rooms that comfortably house everyone, and maybe even have a separate area for the kids – because let’s be honest, they need their own kingdom sometimes.

These are the components we’ll use to measure the contenders and reveal the crowning glory: the best Royal Caribbean cruise ships for kids. Let’s dive in!

Top Royal Caribbean Cruise Ships for Kids

When it comes to creating unforgettable family memories, not all ships are created equal. So, without further ado, here are our ultimate picks for the finest Royal Caribbean cruise ships for kids .

Symphony of the Seas

Royal Caribbean’s largest ship, Symphony of the Seas, is a floating city that’s a dream come true for kids. The seas symphony ship boasts an impressive Splashaway Bay, an aquatic playground filled with slides, water cannons, and fountains. Add to this a glow-in-the-dark laser tag, a multi-level sports deck, and the Adventure Ocean ® kids program, and you’ll understand why we rank Seas Symphony at the top of the lot.

Harmony of the Seas

As the second-largest ship in the fleet, seas harmony offers kids a slice of heaven. The Perfect Storm waterslides, an interactive escape room, and the DreamWorks Experience – where kids can meet their favorite characters – make it a standout. The Seas Harmony ship also offers family suites with a slide from the kids’ room down to the living area. Talk about an indoor playground!

Oasis of the Seas

Oasis-class ships come with a carousel, a zipline, two FlowRider surf simulations, and the largest kids club at sea, Oasis-class ship is sure to impress even the most seasoned young voyagers. Oasis-class ships AquaTheater, hosting breathtaking water acrobatics shows, is a magical experience for all.

Anthem of the Seas

Seas anthem screams fun. Its SeaPlex is the largest indoor activity space at sea, featuring bumper cars, a roller skating rink, and even a circus school. The Seas Anthem ship also offers virtual balconies for rooms without a window, so everyone gets a view.

Freedom of the Seas

Seas Freedom offers an excellent balance of kid-friendly activities and spaces for adults to relax. Seas Freedom boasts a water park, a 3D movie theatre, and the Adventure Ocean ® program. Its newly revamped Giovanni’s ℠ Italian Kitchen & Wine Bar is a hit for family dining. Freedom-class ships are one of the very finest royal Caribbean ships for the young ones.

Grandeur of the Seas

Don’t be fooled by its smaller size; Seas Grandeur packs a punch when it comes to kid-friendly features. With an outdoor movie screen, a rock-climbing wall, and the award-winning Adventure Ocean® kids program, Seas Grandeur provides an intimate yet adventurous cruising experience.

Mariner of the Seas

With the Perfect Storm waterslides, Sky Pad virtual reality bungee trampoline experience, and an escape room, Seas Mariner is a hub of action and adventure. The Adventure Ocean ® program ensures younger kids have just as much fun as the older ones while on board a Seas Mariner.

Liberty of the Seas

Seas Liberty serves a perfect blend of fun and relaxation. Kids will love the H2O Zone water park, while parents unwind at the adults-only Solarium. The Seas Liberty ship also offers a range of family-friendly activities, including the DreamWorks Experience and the Ocean Adventure ® program.

Each of these ships brings its unique magic to the table. Your little ones are not just passengers on these vessels – they’re adventurers, explorers, and conquerors of the high seas. With the best of Royal Caribbean cruises ships for kids , every journey is a storybook waiting to be written. So, anchors aweigh, and let the good times roll!

Activities & Amenities to Look for in a Kid-Friendly Ship

When setting sail with little ones, what truly transforms a ship into a floating wonderland are the activities and amenities on offer. Here’s a comprehensive list of what makes the Royal Caribbean cruise ships the best for kids and the perfect family vacation.

• Aquatic Playgrounds: Beyond your standard pools, these ships come equipped with extensive water parks. Look for water slides, splash pads, and interactive water features in areas like Splashaway Bay and H2O Zone.
• Adventure Ocean®: This program offers age-specific clubs, including Aquanauts (3-5 years), Explorers (6-8 years), and Voyagers (9-12 years). Activities range from science experiments to arts and crafts, ensuring fun and education go hand in hand.
• Royal Babies® & Royal Tots nursery®: These nursery services allow the youngest cruisers to have their share of fun while parents enjoy some leisure time.
• Teen Hangouts: Teens have their own spaces like The Living Room, a lounge devoid of adults, and Fuel, a teen-only club. So, your adolescents can socialize and enjoy activities without feeling ‘babyish’.
• Entertainment: Family-friendly shows, parades and even meet-and-greets with favorite characters are a part of the Royal Caribbean experience.
• Sports and Simulation Activities: Rock climbing, ice skating, mini-golf, and even simulated sky diving – these ships pull out all the stops.
• Family Dining: Kid-friendly menus and early dinner seating options make meal times stress-free. With the thoughtful My Family Time Dining option, Royal Caribbean ensures that kids finish their meals within 40 minutes. Once they’ve enjoyed their dinner, Adventure Ocean staff members promptly escort them to a world of engaging evening activities. This thoughtful feature ensures the kids are happily occupied while the adults enjoy a relaxed dining experience.
• Accommodations: Spacious family rooms, interconnected staterooms, and even suites with slides ensure the comfort of every family member.

With such a vast array of offerings, every day at sea brings a new adventure for kids on Royal Caribbean ships. From toddlers to teens, there’s something exciting for every age group, ensuring your family vacation is truly one for the books.

Tips for Cruising with Kids on Royal Caribbean

Setting sail with the little ones? Here are some pearls of wisdom to ensure a smooth and enjoyable cruising experience on the best Royal Caribbean ships for kids .

• Firstly, plan ahead . Pre-book your kids into the Adventure Ocean® program to secure their spot. Also, reserve early dining times if your tots follow a strict bedtime.
• Pack wisely . Remember to bring swim diapers for the under-3s for pool time. A compact stroller can be a lifesaver for navigating the ship.
• For new parents , Royal Caribbean offers excellent baby amenities. However, don’t forget to pack a baby essentials kit for those ‘just-in-case’ moments.
• Always keep communication open with your older kids about safety and ship etiquette. Teenagers, for instance, should know the ship’s curfew rules.
• And finally, take a moment to read up on similar cruise ship blogs – they’re treasure troves of advice and shared experiences. If you’re reading this, you’re already on the right path, and we appreciate your foresight! Recognize that the goal is to have fun. So, go forth, be merry, and let Royal Caribbean take care of the rest.

Conclusion: Cruising Into the Sunset

The search for the best Royal Caribbean ship for kids leads us to the grand Symphony of the Seas, the thrilling Harmony of the Seas, the dazzling Oasis of the Seas, the exciting Anthem of the Seas, and the balanced Freedom of the Seas. Each ship is a testament to Royal Caribbean’s commitment to family-friendly cruising, offering an array of amenities and activities for all age groups.

Choosing the perfect ship for your family vacation ultimately depends on your kids’ preferences and your family’s vacation goals. So, take the plunge, set your course, and embark on a voyage that your family will treasure forever. Here’s to oceans of fun and endless horizons!

Frequently Asked Questions

What are the best royal caribbean ships for kids under 10.

For youngsters under 10, Symphony of the Seas and Harmony of the Seas from Royal Caribbean’s fleet are excellent choices, offering a perfect blend of fun and discovery. Both offer a range of age-specific clubs and activities. Their water parks, like Splashaway Bay, are a hit with this age group. Features like family-friendly shows, the DreamWorks Experience on Harmony, and a carousel on Symphony make these ships.

What activities do Royal Caribbean ships offer for teenagers?

Royal Caribbean Cruises crafts experiences tailored just for thrill-seeking teenagers. With teen-only lounges like The Living Room and nightclubs such as Fuel, socializing is a breeze. Sporty teens will relish in adventurous pursuits like rock climbing walls, ziplining, and surfing on FlowRider simulators. The SeaPlex on Anthem of the Seas offers a mixed bag of fun with bumper cars, roller skating, and a circus school.

Can babies and toddlers cruise on a Royal Caribbean ship?

Yes, indeed! Royal Caribbean warmly welcomes babies and toddlers aboard their ships. They offer programs like Royal Babies ® & Royal Tots ® that provide engaging activities for the youngest guests. Certain ships also have nurseries where your little ones can be taken care of for a fee. Family-friendly dining options and spacious staterooms ensure that cruising with babies and toddlers is a breeze.

What are some tips for first-time family cruisers on Royal Caribbean?

Pre-book your dining times, shows, and activities as they can fill up fast. Remember to pack essentials , especially kid-friendly items like swim diapers and sunscreen. Once you’re onboard, take time to get acquainted with the ship’s layout, especially pinpointing all the areas designed for kid-friendly fun and activities. Ensure older kids understand safety rules and set meeting points. Lastly, relax, soak in the experience, and create lasting family memories!

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Best Royal Caribbean Ships For Kids (COMPLETE GUIDE)

Royal Caribbean ships are famous for being family-friendly and a great way to spend a vacation with kids.

But not all ships are built the same.

Whether it’s water slides or pools to rock climbing walls and ice skating rinks, they provide an exhilarating experience for all ages.

Depending on what you and your kids are looking for, some ships may be much better than others for you and your family…

Table of Contents

What Are The Best Royal Caribbean Ships For Kids?

Royal Caribbean has a lot of family-friendly ships, but we highly recommend Symphony of the Seas, Harmony of the Seas , and Allure of the Seas for families with kids.

These ships are not just ordinary cruise ships. They offer a wide range of exciting activities, such as water slides, zip lines, and many more, that cater to the interests of kids of all ages.

From adventurous activities to fun-filled amenities, these ships go above and beyond to provide an unforgettable vacation experience for families.

Royal Caribbean Cruise Ship Features for Kids

Splash zones.

On your Royal Caribbean cruise, your little ones will love the baby splash zones designed specifically for them.

These areas provide a safe and fun environment for babies and toddlers to play in the water.

With gentle fountains, shallow pools, and adorable water features, your children can enjoy hours of water play while you supervise from a comfortable seat nearby.

Royal Caribbean ships with Baby Splash Zones:

• Adventure of the Seas

Allure of the Seas

• Anthem of the Seas
• Freedom of the Seas

Harmony of the Seas

• Icon of the Seas
• Independence of the Seas
• Liberty of the Seas
• Oasis of the Seas
• Ovation of the Seas
• Quantum of the Seas
• Spectrum of the Seas

Symphony of the Seas

• Wonder of the Seas

Royal Caribbean offers various kids clubs to cater to the interests and ages of your children.

The Adventure Ocean kids’ club is a popular choice, with activities tailored for different age groups, such as 3-5 years old, 6-8 years old, and 9-11 years old.

These clubs have age-appropriate activities like arts and crafts, games, and themed parties.

Your kids will be entertained by the trained staff while making new friends and exploring new interests.

Additionally, Royal Caribbean ships feature the Royal Babies & Tots nursery for the youngest travelers, providing a cozy and nurturing space for babies and toddlers.

Royal Caribbean Ships Who Offer The Royal Babies & Tots Nursery Drop Off

• Brilliance of the Seas
• Enchantment of the Seas
• Grandeur of the Seas
• Mariner of the Seas
• Navigator of the Seas
• Radiance of the Seas
• Rhapsody of the Seas
• Serenade of the Seas
• Vision of the Seas

Ships that DO NOT have Royal Babies and Tots Nursery:

• Empress of the Seas
• Explorer of the Seas
• Jewel of the Seas
• Majesty of the Seas
• Voyager of the Seas

Outdoor Adventure Areas

For the more adventurous kids, Royal Caribbean ships boast exciting outdoor facilities.

Your children can challenge themselves on the rock climbing walls or engage in friendly competition with table tennis matches.

Your kids can make a splash in the swimming pools and whirlpools, featuring thrilling water slides, which are available on some ships. For families seeking even more excitement, certain ships offer ziplines and mini-golf courses for hours of outdoor fun.

Remember, these experiences may vary depending on the specific Royal Caribbean ship you choose for your vacation, so it’s essential to check the ship’s amenities before booking to ensure it offers the features and activities that will make your family cruise unforgettable.

Entertainment and Activities on Royal Caribbean Ships

Family-Friendly Shows

On your Royal Caribbean cruise, you’ll find a variety of family-friendly shows that cater to all age groups.

The entertainment includes Broadway-style productions, ice-skating shows, and aqua theater performances. Catch a dazzling performance of “Grease” or “Mamma Mia!” on select ships like Oasis of the Seas and Allure of the Seas.

For a more thrilling experience, watch ice-skaters perform incredible stunts and choreography on the ice rink.

And don’t miss out on the heart-stopping performances at the Aqua Theater, where acrobats, divers, and synchronized swimmers put up a mesmerizing show against a backdrop of fountains and a giant video wall.

Interactive Game Zones

For an action-packed family time, visit the interactive game zones on your ship.

Royal Caribbean offers innovative spaces like the SeaPlex® – an indoor multi-purpose sports complex that features bumper cars, roller-skating, and a full-size basketball court on ships like Quantum of the Seas and Anthem of the Seas.

Test your surfing skills on the FlowRider® – a surf simulator available on select ships. And for the more adventurous, try out zip-lining, rock climbing, and even laser tag on certain ships!

In addition to these exhilarating activities, younger guests can explore the Adventure Ocean® youth programs – where activities are tailor-made for various age groups, featuring art classes, science experiments, and theater workshops.

Teenagers have dedicated spaces to hang out, play video games or just relax with new friends.

As you see, your Royal Caribbean cruise offers a world of entertainment and activities for the whole family.

Go ahead and enjoy these unforgettable moments while making memories that will last a lifetime!

Dining Options and Packages

Kid’s menus.

Your little ones will have plenty of options onboard Royal Caribbean ships with kid-friendly menus, designed specifically for their tastes.

Imagine them enjoying crispy mac & cheese fries, or selecting their favorite dishes from a dedicated children’s menu.

These menus include a roundup of kid-approved favorites from the “grownups” menu, allowing them to taste a bit of everything.

Family Dining

Family dining on a Royal Caribbean cruise combines the best of both worlds: enjoying quality time together while savoring a wide variety of delicious cuisine.

The main dining rooms and Windjammer Marketplace offer complimentary dining options, ensuring there’s something for everyone in the family.

For a more special dining experience, consider the specialty dining packages available on your cruise.

With options like the Unlimited Dining Package, your family can explore various specialty restaurants throughout the ship.

Plus, kids ages 6-12 dine at these specialty restaurants for only $12.99, and ages 5 and under eat free!

This allows your family to try new and exciting culinary experiences together without breaking the bank.

Remember, by reserving your specialty dining packages before you sail, the prices will be adjusted for your kids once you’re onboard, and the final charges will be reflected in your account statement.

Enjoy the vast array of dining options and packages on your Royal Caribbean cruise, and create unforgettable family memories around the table while exploring the high seas.

Best Ships for Kids

When it comes to family-friendly cruises, you can’t beat sailing on the Symphony of the Seas .

This ship boasts an array of activities that cater to children and teens alike.

Your kids will love the thrilling water slides at the Perfect Storm, and the Splashaway Bay aqua park offers the perfect spot for younger children to splash around.

Symphony of the Seas also features a colorful and engaging Adventure Ocean Youth Program.

This award-winning program offers educational and fun activities tailored to different age groups. With spaces like the Voyagers and Explorers clubs, your children will never want to leave!

Sports enthusiasts will enjoy numerous options, such as:

• Rock climbing walls
• Mini-golf courses
• Table tennis

The Harmony of the Seas should definitely be on your radar for fabulous family vacations. This ship offers the innovative and exhilarating Ultimate Abyss slide – the tallest slide at sea.

With 10 decks spanning its height, this slide will thrill even the most daring members of your family.

Harmony of the Seas also offers unique attractions, such as the ice-skating rink and the energetic AquaTheater.

While the kids skate or attend a spectacular water show, you can unwind at one of the many sun decks or indulge at a specialty restaurant.

Onboard activities for your children include:

• Flowrider Surf Simulator
• Splashaway Bay
• Adventure Ocean Youth Program

On the Allure of the Seas , your family will enjoy a holiday filled with unforgettable memories.

This ship is packed with kid-friendly options, such as the DreamWorks Experience, where they can meet their favorite characters from movies like Shrek and Madagascar.

The Allure Dunes Mini Golf is a must-try for families who love some friendly competition.

The vividly designed course will immerse your family in a fun and relaxing atmosphere as they traverse the challenging holes.

For the aspiring young chef in your family, the Cupcake Cupboard is a charming and delectable experience they will not want to miss.

Your kids can participate in a cupcake-decorating class and savor their scrumptious creations.

Additionally, the ship offers these activities:

Things for Kids To Do on A Royal Caribbean Cruise

Cruising with your kids on a Royal Caribbean ship is an exciting, unforgettable adventure.

They offer a wide variety of activities and amenities tailored specifically for children of all ages, ensuring your little ones won’t ever feel bored or left out.

Adventure Ocean® Youth Program caters to different age groups, offering both fun and educational experiences.

For instance, Aquanauts (ages 3-5) can become Certified Jr. Adventure Scientists by participating in cool experiments onboard.

Explorers (ages 6-8) can indulge their curiosity with hands-on science activities, such as studying fossils, meteorology, and even exploring mini volcanoes.

Voyagers (ages 9-11) get to enjoy movie time, science lab experiments, trivia, sports competitions, gaming, talent shows, and discos.

Apart from the youth programs, you’ll also find plenty of other attractions that will keep your kids entertained. Some ships offer:

• Rock climbing walls for little climbers who love reaching new heights.
• Table tennis for family competitions and good-natured fun.
• Waterslides for kids (and adults) who want to make a splash and cool down in style.
• Ziplines thrilling your little daredevils as they zip overhead.
• Mini-golf offering a great bonding activity for the entire family.

Keep in mind that not all ships have the same attractions, so when selecting a cruise, make sure to research which ship offers the best amenities for your kids based on their interests.

When you sail on a Royal Caribbean cruise, you’re giving your children an opportunity to experience a wide range of activities designed just for them.

With so many things to explore and enjoy, your kids’ adventure at sea will be one they cherish for years to come.

How Old Does A Baby Have To Be To Cruise With Royal Caribbean?

For most cruises, babies must be at least 6 months old on the first day of the vacation to cruise with Royal Caribbean.

However, for certain cruises such as transatlantic, transpacific, Hawaii, select South American, and other selected cruises, babies must be at least 12 months old as of the first day of the cruise.

This is because these types of cruises may involve longer periods at sea and require more extensive travel, which can be challenging for very young infants.

It’s always a good idea to check with the cruise line before booking to ensure that your baby meets the age requirements for your chosen itinerary.

Is Royal Caribbean A Good Cruise Line For Babies?

Royal Caribbean is a great cruise line for families with babies.

They provide cribs, high chairs, and strollers as well as babysitting services for parents.

Plus, a lot of Royal Caribbean ships have splash pools, play areas, and other activities that are designed for babies and toddlers specifically.

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Best Royal Caribbean Cruises

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Symphony of the Seas

The 6,680-passenger, 2,200-crew-member Symphony of the Seas set sail in 2018 and features 18 decks packed with activities.

For heart-pounding fun, travelers will find a surf simulator, an indoor ice skating rink, two 40-foot rock walls, a zip line and a 10-story slide. Meanwhile, relaxation seekers can unwind in the spa, sip cocktails made by robotic bartenders or stroll through the Central Park -inspired neighborhood.

Onboard snacks and meals are served at 20 quick-service and sit-down eateries. The Main Dining Room is where the ship's traditional, complimentary dinners are provided nightly, but specialty options like a steakhouse, a bistro and a Johnny Rockets outpost are also available. What's more, cruisers can dine at Jamie's Italian, a restaurant helmed by celebrity chef Jamie Oliver.

After filling up on gourmet fare, passengers can retreat to their cabins, all of which include work desks, flat-screen TVs and minibars. Guests can choose from 149-square-foot Interior Staterooms, some of which have virtual balconies with real-time views of the ocean, or opt for upgraded cabins with furnished balconies and up to 1,524 square feet of space. Select suites also feature two bedrooms, whirlpool tubs and dining rooms.

Symphony of the Seas departs from Cape Liberty, New Jersey, Miami , Fort Lauderdale, Rome and Barcelona for sailings throughout the Caribbean and Europe.

U.S. News Insider Tip: If you’re on one of the 19 Royal Caribbean ships that have a FlowRider, like Symphony of the Seas (which has two!), reserve a private lesson with a pro. For a small fee, you'll save yourself some embarrassment and get more ride time. – Skye Sherman, Contributor

Odyssey of the Seas

Launched in July 2021, the Odyssey of the Seas holds 5,498 passengers and 1,550 crew members. Royal Caribbean's latest ship is the first Quantum Ultra Class vessel to sail in the United States. As a member of this class, Odyssey of the Seas offers standout amenities like RipCord by iFLY, billed as the only skydiving simulator available at sea, and the FlowRider, a 40-foot-long surf simulator. There is also the North Star observation capsule, which hoists guests 300 feet above sea level over the cruise ship to enjoy unparalleled views below. 

In addition to these thrilling activities, the ship comes equipped with standard facilities like pools, an arcade, a spa, a fitness center with classes, kids clubs and shopping venues. There are also 15 dining options, ranging from Japanese fare to all-you-can-eat buffets to Starbucks. For drinks, the ship offers nine bars and lounges, giving passengers plenty of places to enjoy libations. Entertainment options include theatrical performances, live music, a casino, outdoor movie nights and more. 

As far as cabins go, cruisers can choose between Interior, Ocean View, and Balcony staterooms, as well as suite accommodations and new Virtual Balcony rooms. These technologically advanced cabins feature floor-to-ceiling displays that project real-time views of the sights and sounds from the outside of the ship. 

Odyssey of the Seas sails to ports in Europe, as well as to various destinations in the Caribbean from Fort Lauderdale, Florida and Cape Liberty, New Jersey.

Wonder of the Seas

Wonder of the Seas, which embarked on its maiden voyage in March 2022, holds 7,084 passengers and 2,204 crew members. The ship measures 1,188 feet long and 215 feet wide, and it weighs 235,600 gross tons. It surpasses its sister ship, Symphony of the Seas , as one of the largest cruise ships in the world.  

Guests can enjoy plenty of thrill activities on board, such as the Ultimate Abyss – a 10-story dark tunnel slide – or the 40-foot-long FlowRider surf stimulator. The ship also offers a fitness center, shopping venues, rock climbing, a carousel and clubs for kids and teens. When it's time to dine, cruisers have the option of 21 dining venues ranging from Italian fare to Southern cuisine. Travelers can also indulge in a few cocktails at 14 bars and lounges.

Accommodations include Interior, Ocean View, Balcony and Suite staterooms. If you're looking for something more spacious, check out the ship's all-new Suite Neighborhood. Located on the upper decks, these suites offer guests ample private quarters to recharge during the cruise. Amenities included in the exclusive suites include priority boarding, a members-only dining facility and a dedicated check-in line. For families, the new neighborhood may be of particular interest because it features the Ultimate Family Suite. The family suite offers two floors of space with stunning ocean views, in-suite movies and video games and a kids slide between the floors.  

Wonder of the Seas sails from Orlando , Florida, to ports in the Caribbean.

Allure of the Seas

The 6,826-passenger Allure of the Seas, unveiled in 2010, is among the largest cruise ships in the world. There are a whopping 2,054 crew members on board to cater to passengers' needs. Along with signature line amenities like rock climbing walls and ice skating rinks, the ship houses seven unique neighborhoods with a variety of activities, shows and dining options. The ship underwent a $165 million refurbishment in 2020, which added approximately 50 new staterooms, the Ultimate Abyss (the tallest slide at sea), redesigned kids and teens spaces, new dining venues and more.

Other standout features include a zip line that descends 10 decks, two surf simulators and a science lab. Plus, with 19 dining options – and a Starbucks at sea – every member of the family will be satisfied.

In terms of lodging, about 65% of cabins feature balconies, and all staterooms are appointed with TVs and minifridges. Interior staterooms are the most economical option, but those who splurge on Suites are granted larger balconies and concierge service. Crowd-free areas might be difficult to find due to the outrageous capacity of the ship, but some recent cruisers praise the nonstop activity and entertainment. 

Allure of the Seas departs from Miami, Orlando, Florida, and Galveston , Texas, for sailings in the Caribbean.

Harmony of the Seas

Welcoming up to 6,687 passengers and 2,200 crew members, Harmony of the Seas is one of the largest cruise ships in the world. Launched in 2016 and tuned up in 2021, the ship features Royal Caribbean staples like surf simulators and rock climbing walls, as well as innovative amenities like the Ultimate Abyss (a 10-story slide) and three multistory waterslides. Plus, while younger passengers play in the arcade or at age-appropriate clubs, adults can relax at the spa or sip cocktails at multiple bars and lounges.

After working up an appetite, guests can choose from 20 dining options. Past cruisers especially praised the multitude of specialty restaurants, which range from Mexican to Japanese fare and require reservations and an additional fee.

When it comes to lodging, Harmony of the Seas offers a wide variety of cabin categories, with more than 70% of cabins featuring balconies. While Interior staterooms are the most economical choice, those looking for a little more space and luxury should consider upgrading to a Suite, which range from Junior Suites to four-bedroom Villa Suites. While all cabins offer flat-screen TVs and minibars, suites include access to a private restaurant, lounge and sun deck.

Harmony of the Seas sails from Miami and Galveston, Texas , to destinations throughout the Caribbean.

Mariner of the Seas

Introduced in 2003 and overhauled in mid-2018, Mariner of the Seas features passenger favorites like the Escape Room, the Izumi Japanese restaurant and a surf simulator. During the ship's refurbishment, Royal Caribbean also added 100 new staterooms, updated cabins and public spaces and added fan-favorite restaurant Jamie's Italian by chef Jamie Oliver.

Though the 4,000-passenger ship features a 1-to-3 crew-to-passenger ratio, recent cruisers said the vessel still maintains a high level of customer service. When it comes to dining, the ship offers 11 venues, including a multilevel main dining room. The ship's 10 bars and lounges and onboard entertainment, which includes Broadway-style shows, earn a consistent nod of approval from past cruisers. Kids have plenty of age-appropriate entertainment, too, including youth programs and teen lounges. Mariner of the Seas touts three pools and six whirlpools. These areas of the ship attract a high concentration of children.

Past travelers were generally complimentary of the staterooms. Similar to its sister ships, Mariner of the Seas offers four stateroom categories: Interior, Ocean View, Balcony and Suite. All staterooms include flat-screen TVs and Wi-Fi accessibility. 

Mariner of the Seas departs from  Orlando , Florida, and Galveston, Texas, for sailings in the Caribbean, Bermuda and the  Bahamas .

Adventure of the Seas

Adventure of the Seas (first launched in 2001) underwent an extensive renovation in January 2018. It boasts modern amenities like an outdoor movie screen and Wi-Fi (for an extra fee). Other highlights include an ice skating rink, a surf simulator and a rock climbing wall. 

There are seven dining venues across the ship, the newest of which is the Izumi Japanese specialty restaurant. While adults can relax at the ship's nine bars and lounges, youngsters can mix and mingle at age-appropriate youth clubs and a teens-only disco. Among other onboard amenities, Adventure of the Seas features an abundance of pools and whirlpools, including an indoor/outdoor pool and lounge area exclusive to adults called the Solarium.

When it comes to lodging, recent cruisers found staterooms to be comfortable and spacious. Cabins come in four categories – Interior, Ocean View, Balcony and Suite – and about 60% offer ocean views. The ship's 2018 revamp brought with it new Interior and Ocean View staterooms, as well as a new Suite Lounge. While it may be difficult to find quiet spaces on the 3,807-passenger ship, recent guests were still complimentary of the service on board and the 1-to-3 crew-to-guest ratio. 

Adventure of the Seas sails to various destinations in the Caribbean from Fort Lauderdale , Florida and Orlando , Florida. The ship also completes transatlantic voyages.

Oasis of the Seas

The 6,771-passenger Oasis of the Seas saw an extensive refurbishment in late 2019, unveiling the line's first dedicated karaoke venue, a live music space with a large dance floor, brand-new dining options (including a barbecue restaurant), three waterslides, new bars and more. 

While this ship is not for those seeking secluded spaces, most cruisers say the seven distinct onboard neighborhoods make up for that. The behemoth ship features designer boutiques and larger staterooms than other ships in the fleet.

Like other Royal Caribbean vessels, Oasis of the Seas offers four cabin categories: Interior, Ocean View, Balcony and Suite. Interior rooms average about 150 square feet, while Suite category cabins can span anywhere from 287 to 1,524 square feet and include added amenities like Jacuzzis and expansive balconies.

While recent cruisers were impressed with the ship's abundant amenities, they noted that with 2,109 crew members, there aren't many tailored onboard experiences – especially when the ship is filled to capacity. Oasis of the Seas caters to those looking for nonstop onboard action.

Oasis of the Seas sails from Miami , Fort Lauderdale, Florida, Barcelona and Rome to destinations in the Bahamas , the Caribbean, Europe and the Mediterranean. The ship also offers transatlantic voyages.

U.S. News Insider Tip: On Oasis-class ships, stop at Vitality Café for protein shakes and fresh juices. – Skye Sherman, Contributor

Ovation of the Seas

The 4,905-passenger, 1,500-crew-member Ovation of the Seas features a skydiving simulator, an observation pod that hovers 300 feet above the sea and a bionic bar where robots mix cocktails. Other highlights include a rock climbing wall, a surf simulator, an outdoor movie screen and upscale boutiques like Cartier.

After working up an appetite, passengers can take their pick of 16 eateries, including six signature restaurants that require reservations and an additional fee. Many recent cruisers praised the cuisine, from the main dining room buffet to the Italian menu created by celebrity chef Jamie Oliver.

Travelers were also mostly complimentary of the staterooms, 75% of which boast balconies. The ship offers Interior, Ocean View, Balcony and Suite category accommodations, all of which are equipped with flat-screen TVs, safes and sitting areas. Even those staying in Interior rooms can catch a glimpse of the sea with virtual balconies that give a real-time view of the ship's location.

The most common drawback, according to cruisers? You're likely to encounter long lines and crowded common areas. Some recent travelers also felt the service was not as good as expected. 

Ovation of the Seas sets sail from Vancouver ,  Honolulu , Seattle  and  Sydney  for itineraries in Alaska, Australia, Hawaii and the South Pacific.

Vision of the Seas

Most recently updated in late 2018 (with the exception of routine maintenance in 2022), the 2,514-passenger, 742-crew-member Vision of the Seas offers Royal Caribbean staples like diverse dining venues and nonstop entertainment. Past cruisers especially praise the ship's appealing decor and the Solarium, an adults-only pool and lounge area. 

In terms of food, travelers can choose from the main dining room, the buffet and several casual eateries. Cruisers recommend springing for a meal at the ship's specialty restaurants, which range from the Chops Grille steakhouse to the Izumi Asian venue. Food in the main dining room received mixed reviews, but travelers praised the service around the ship.

When it comes to daytime activities, guests can try rock climbing, swim in the pools (which can become crowded) or play games in the casino. There are also sushi- and cupcake-making classes available.

In terms of lodging, Vision of the Seas touts four staterooms categories: Interior, Ocean View, Balcony and Suite. Interior cabins range from 136 to 252 square feet, while Suites on the opposite end of the spectrum range from 243 to 1,140 square feet. Opt for a balcony-equipped Suite and you'll enjoy cushier extras like whirlpool bathtubs. All cabins include amenities like flat-screen TVs and vanity areas. 

Vision of the Seas departs from Baltimore for itineraries in the Caribbean, New England and Canada.

Disclaimers about ship ratings: A ship’s Health Rating is based on vessel inspection scores published by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). If a ship did not receive a CDC score within 22 months prior to the calculation of its Overall Rating, its Health Rating appears as N/A; in such a case, the ship’s Overall Rating is calculated using the average Health Rating of all CDC-rated ships within the cruise line. All ship Traveler Ratings are based on ratings provided under license by Cruiseline.com.

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Royal Caribbean cruise ship cabin and suite guide: Everything you want to know

Picking a cabin on a Royal Caribbean ship can be a daunting task.

For starters, there is an eye-popping number of cabins available on many Royal Caribbean ships. The line is known for operating the world's biggest cruise vessels — ships so big that some have nearly 3,000 cabins each.

But it's not just the sheer volume of cabins that makes picking a room on a Royal Caribbean ship challenging. It's also the number of cabin categories.

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On some Royal Caribbean ships, there are as many as 34 different types of cabins — each a little different than the last.

The backstory here is that Royal Caribbean ships are designed to appeal to a wide demographic, including travelers with varying budgets. That prompted Royal Caribbean to offer a wide mix of cabin types.

The line offers rooms that range from relatively low-cost, windowless "inside" cabins measuring just 149 square feet (perfect for the budget traveler) to massive, multi-room suites that can be more than 10 times that size.

A Royal Caribbean cabin primer

Like many other cruise ships, Royal Caribbean vessels offer cabins in four broad categories: windowless inside cabins, ocean-view cabins, balcony cabins and suites.

On the newer Royal Caribbean ships, the vast majority of the cabins are balcony cabins. Over the years, cruise lines have discovered that cruisers will pay a significant premium to have a balcony with their cabin, prompting a rush to add more balcony cabins to ships.

Related: The 5 best cabin locations on any cruise ship

For instance, on Royal Caribbean's four-year-old Symphony of the Seas , 65% of the 2,759 cabins are balcony cabins; the next-largest category of cabins are inside cabins followed by ocean-view cabins and suites. Here's the exact breakdown:

• Inside cabins: 599 (22%).
• Ocean-view cabins: 176 (6%).
• Balcony cabins: 1,796 (65%).
• Suites: 188 (7%).

There are far fewer balcony cabins on older Royal Caribbean ships (and all older cruise ships in general). Only 12% of the cabins on Royal Caribbean's oldest vessel, the 1996-built Grandeur of the Seas, are balcony cabins.

Inside cabins and ocean-view cabins make up the majority (78% in total) of cabins on Grandeur of the Seas. Suites account for 9% of the cabins on the ship. Here's the exact breakdown:

• Inside cabins: 399 (40%).
• Ocean-view cabins: 381 (38%).
• Balcony cabins: 122 (12%).
• Suites: 94 (9%).

The takeaway here is that you'll have a tougher time locking down a balcony cabin on an older Royal Caribbean ship than on a newer vessel. If you're planning a cruise on one of the line's older vessels and a balcony cabin is a must, you'll want to book early to ensure you get one.

You'll also want to book early if you're aiming for a suite. An old saw in the cruise industry is that "ships sell from the top and the bottom." That is, the first cabins on any vessel to sell out are the most-expensive cabins, which are the suites, and the least-expensive cabins, which typically are the inside cabins. The "middle" sells last.

Related: The ultimate guide to Royal Caribbean

You'll find multiple subcategories within each of the four broad categories of cabins on Royal Caribbean ships. Symphony of the Seas, for instance, has 15 different types of suites alone; suites range from a junior suite with a balcony (Category J3) that measures 287 square feet to a Royal Loft Suite (Category RL) that measures five times that amount.

If you count two types of Symphony of the Seas suites that come in two versions — a standard version and a slightly altered, "accessible" version — there are actually 17 different categories of suites on the vessel.

Royal Caribbean cabins generally have a modern look with clean lines and contemporary furniture, plus lots of storage cleverly worked into the design.

Inside cabins on Royal Caribbean ships

Inside cabins are designed for passengers on a tight budget. On Royal Caribbean ships, these rooms are almost always the least-expensive option when booking a cabin. You can often save considerable money by booking an inside cabin versus an ocean-view or higher-level cabin.

What you'll give up, of course, is that ocean view. Your room will have four walls and no windows offering a glimpse of the outside world (at least, not a traditional window — more on that in a moment).

You'll also be in a very small room. Inside cabins on Symphony of the Seas measure just 149 square feet, quite a bit less than the typical ocean-view cabin on the vessel (those range from 179 to 272 square feet). The typical balcony cabin on Symphony of the Seas is 182 square feet, not including a 50-square-foot balcony.

As I mentioned above, there is one way to get a glimpse of the outside world from an inside cabin on a Royal Caribbean ship. In one of the great cruising innovations, Royal Caribbean has created some inside cabins with a "virtual balcony" that offers a view of the outside.

Related: The upside of booking an inside cabin

The virtual balcony is a high-definition screen built into one end of the windowless room that projects a real-time view of the ocean outside. It's designed to make you think you're actually in a balcony cabin with a view, and it is quite realistic-looking.

Just don't try to walk through the faux balcony opening.

Ocean-view cabins on Royal Caribbean ships

With an ocean-view cabin, you get a window looking out to the sea but not an attached balcony where you can sit outside and enjoy the fresh air.

Royal Caribbean's newer ships have relatively few such cabins, as cabins that face outward are usually built with balconies now.

Related: The 6 classes of Royal Caribbean ships, explained

In general, ocean-view cabins on Royal Caribbean ships are bigger than inside cabins and around the same size as balcony cabins (when comparing their interior space). But you can sometimes find ocean-view cabins that are significantly bigger than a typical balcony cabin. This is sometimes the case for ocean-view cabins at the front or back of ships, where there can be relatively large but oddly shaped rooms with windows but no balconies.

Royal Caribbean has built ocean-view cabins at the front of some ships that incorporate the angled space in the front part of the superstructure. As a result, they have sloping windows, and a bit more floor space around these windows (see the image below).

Royal Caribbean's Radiance-class ships, notably, have a category called Ultra Spacious Ocean View; it includes cabins at the front and back of the ship that measure 319 square feet — nearly twice as much as the typical ocean-view cabin on the vessels (which measures 170 square feet). Each of these bigger ocean-view cabins has two twin beds that can convert into a royal king bed, one double sofa bed and either one Pullman bed and one twin bed or two Pullman beds.

These bigger cabins can hold up to six people, making them popular with families.

Balcony cabins on Royal Caribbean ships

Balcony cabins are what everyone wants these days, and Royal Caribbean is delivering, with huge numbers of balcony cabins on all its newest ships. On the line's five Oasis-class ships, which began debuting in 2009, around 65% of rooms are balcony cabins. On the line's even-newer Quantum-class ships, which began debuting in 2014, the percentage is even higher — around 69%.

The typical Royal Caribbean balcony cabin has a contemporary look, with clean lines and relatively minimalist furniture. It will typically offer twin beds that can be converted into a royal king bed, a desk and a sofa that often pulls out into an additional bed. It typically measures around 180 square feet, not including the balcony area.

A few Royal Caribbean ships have balcony cabins that face toward the vessel's center, not toward the outside. If this seems like a paradox, it is. It results from an unusual design feature of one series of Royal Caribbean ships, the Oasis class.

Related: 6 reasons to book a balcony cabin

The Oasis-class vessels are so wide that they have room for an interior, open-air "Boardwalk" amusement area at their backs lined with inward-facing cabins. On Oasis-class ships, you thus can get a balcony cabin facing the sea or a balcony cabin facing inward, toward the Boardwalk area.

Suites on Royal Caribbean ships

Royal Caribbean is known for having some of the cruise world's most spectacular suites, including (on some ships) suites that sprawl over two decks.

Royal Caribbean isn't a luxury cruise line. However, the top suites on its vessels offer an experience keeping with what you'll find on some of the world's top luxury ships. Depending on the ship, these suites can come with such perks as private butlers (called Royal Genies) who attend to your every need, access to a private restaurant, access to a private suite lounge and sun deck, reserved seating in entertainment venues and priority boarding and disembarkation.

Related: 7 reasons you should splurge on a suite on your next cruise

They also have a much higher price tag than the typical Royal Caribbean cabin. These rooms are aimed at well-heeled travelers who, for whatever reason, prefer the sort of mass-market, megaship cruise experience that Royal Caribbean offers over the more intimate, white-glove experience you'll find on the small ships that luxury lines operate.

As noted above, there is a wide range of suite categories on some Royal Caribbean ships. Among the line's most spectacular suites are the Royal Loft Suites on some of the newer Royal Caribbean vessels. Two decks high, they offer a soaring living room space framed by a glass wall that offers stunning views.

Related: The 5 most spectacular suites at sea

The Royal Loft Suites on Oasis-class ships measure nearly 1,800 square feet and feature two bedrooms, a large living room with a soaring ceiling and a dining area. The Royal Loft Suites on Quantum-class vessels are nearly 1,640 square feet and also sprawl over two decks.

Royal Caribbean is also famous for its Ultimate Family Suite : a two-deck-high suite complex designed for families with young kids. It offers a slide from a second-floor kids room to the main level and extras like a foosball table. Currently, there are only Ultimate Family Suites on three Royal Caribbean ships: Wonder of the Seas , Symphony of the Seas and Spectrum of the Seas.

Note that these family suites often carry an astronomical price, falling in the $20,000-a-week range.

Smaller suites on Royal Caribbean ships include Grand Loft Suites, which can measure around 700 to 850 square feet. That's much smaller than the Royal Loft Suites but about four times the size of a standard balcony cabin.

Bottom line

Royal Caribbean has something for everyone when it comes to cabins on its ships. You can book a small, inside cabin that will get you on board one of the line's vessels at a very reasonable cost, or a huge suite that will set you back many times more but come with all sorts of perks.

Planning a cruise? Start with these stories:

• A beginners guide to picking a cruise line
• The 8 worst cabin locations on any cruise ship
• A quick guide to the most popular cruise lines
• 21 tips and tricks that will make your cruise go smoothly
• 15 ways cruisers waste money
• 12 best cruises for people who never want to grow up
• What to pack for your first cruise

The Quick Guide to Royal Caribbean Cruise Ships by Size You’ll Need

By: Author Elaine Warren

Posted on Last updated: February 2, 2024

Categories CRUISE LINES & SHIPS , CRUISE PLANNING

With a fleet of ships in all shapes and sizes, Royal Caribbean offers something for everyone. But with so many options, how do you choose the perfect vessel for your family’s adventure? That’s where we come in with this guide to Royal Caribbean Cruise Ships by Size.

In this post, we’ll explore Royal Caribbean’s ships by size so that you can find the perfect ship for your next adventure. Also, keep reading to learn why size matters when planning your cruise vacation and key factors you may want to consider. (Also, check out our separate guide to Royal Caribbean ships by age .)

How We Compare Cruise Ship Sizes – Gross Tonnage

The measurement most commonly used to determine a ship’s size is its gross tonnage. The term can be a bit confusing since it doesn’t necessarily correlate to the ship’s weight, but it is the standard of measurement used to calculate various things, including port dues. 

What Is Gross Tonnage?

Gross tonnage is basically the volume of all enclosed spaces on a ship. It is used to calculate manning regulations, safety rules, registration fees, and more. So, though gross tonnage doesn’t refer to the ship’s weight, it is a good indication of the ship’s size and capacity.

It is the most prevalent metric used to calculate the size of a ship since it is used nearly universally to determine various regulations and fees. As such, gross tonnage makes it possible to compare the sizes of different classes of ships.

Quick Primer On Royal Caribbean Cruise Ship Classes

Royal Caribbean International currently has seven cruise ship classes. They are:

• Quantum Ultra Class , which includes the Odyssey of the Seas and Spectrum of the Seas. They can carry between 5,498 and 5,622 guests.
• Quantum Class , which includes the Quantum of the Seas, Anthem of the Seas, and Ovation of the Seas. These ships can carry between 4,905 and 4,908 guests.
• Oasis Class , which includes the Oasis of the Seas, Allure of the Seas, Harmony of the Seas, Symphony of the Seas, and Wonder of the Seas. They can carry between 6,680 and 6,988 guests.
• Freedom Class , which includes the Freedom of the Seas, Liberty of the Seas, and Independence of the Seas. They can carry between 4,515 and 4,960 guests.
• Voyager Class , which includes the Voyager of the Seas, Explorer of the Seas, Adventure of the Seas, Navigator of the Seas, and Mariner of the Seas. These ships can carry between 3,807 and 4,290 guests.
• Radiance Class , which includes the Radiance of the Seas, Brilliance of the Seas, Serenade of the Seas, and Jewel of the Seas. They are capable of handling between 2,466 and 2,702 passengers.
• Vision Class , which includes the Grandeur of the Seas, Rhapsody of the Seas, Enchantment of the Seas, and Vision of the Seas. They can handle between 2,416 and 2,730 guests.

The most significant difference between the classes is the number of guests the ships can take. However, they also differ by size, and Royal Caribbean offers different entertainment types and amenities on the various cruise ship classes.

All Royal Caribbean Cruise Ships By Size

Royal Caribbean currently has 26 cruise ships that vary considerably by size. Let’s look at the different options you have when you plan your next cruise.

1. Wonder Of The Seas

Wonder of the Seas is currently Royal Caribbean’s largest cruise ship. This Oasis-class ship has a gross tonnage of 236,857 GT and is 1,188 feet (362 meters) long.

Wonder can handle 5,518 passengers and 2,394 crew members for a total of 7,912 people on board.

It officially launched on March 4, 2022 , in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. 

2. Symphony Of The Seas

Symphony of the Seas is Royal Caribbean’s second-largest cruise ship, with a gross tonnage of 228,081 GT and the same length as the Wonder at 1,188 feet (362 meters). It is also an Oasis-class ship.

Symphony can also handle 5,518 passengers but just 2,200 crew members, giving it a total of 7,718 people on board.

It started its maiden voyage on April 7, 2018 . 

3. Harmony Of The Seas

Harmony of the Seas has a gross tonnage of 227,700 GT and is slightly shorter than the largest two, with a length of 1,187 feet (362 meters). It is also an Oasis-class ship.

Harmony can handle 5,479 passengers and 2,300 crew members, giving it a total of 7,779 people on board.

It started its maiden voyage on May 29, 2016 , and is still going strong.

4. Oasis Of The Seas

Oasis of the Seas , also an Oasis-class cruise ship, has a gross tonnage of 226,838 GT and is 1,187 feet (362 meters) long.

It can comfortably accommodate a total of 6,771 guests (5,602 with double occupancy) and 2,109 international crew members.

Oasis started its maiden voyage on December 5, 2009 .

5. Allure Of The Seas

Allure of the Seas is fifth on this list, with a gross tonnage of 225,282 GT. It is also slightly shorter, with a length of 1,181 feet (360 meters). The Allure is also an Oasis-class ship.

Allure can handle a total of 8,880 people, which consists of 5,496 passengers with double occupancy (6,826 in total) and 2,054 crew members.

It departed on its maiden voyage on December 5, 2010 , exactly one year after Oasis.

6. Spectrum Of The Seas

Spectrum of the Seas is a Quantum Ultra class cruise ship with a gross tonnage of 168,800 GT and a length of 1,139 feet (347 meters).

Spectrum can accommodate 5,480 people, consisting of 4,180 guests and 1,300 crew members.

The ship set off on her maiden voyage on April 18, 2019 .

7. Ovation Of The Seas

Ovation of the Seas is a Quantum class ship with a gross tonnage of 168,666 GT and a length of 1,138 feet (347 meters).

It can accommodate a total of 4,905 guests and 1,500 crew members.

The ship set off on her maiden voyage on April 17, 2016 .

8. Odyssey Of The Seas

The only other Quantum Ultra class ship is the Odyssey of the Seas , which has a gross tonnage of 167,704 GT and a length of 1,135 feet (346 meters).

The ship can accommodate a total of 5,835 people on board, consisting of 4,284 passengers and 1,551 crew members.

Odyssey set off on its maiden voyage on July 31, 2021 .

9. Quantum Of The Seas

Quantum of the Seas is a Quantum class ship (and the ship that gave the class its name) with a gross tonnage of 168,666 GT and a length of 1,141 feet (slightly less than 348 meters).

The ship’s maiden voyage happened on November 2, 2014 . It can accommodate a total of 4,905 guests and 1,500 crew members, just like the Ovation.

10. Anthem Of The Seas

Anthem of the Seas is the third Quantum class ship, and it’s pretty similar to the others. It also has a gross tonnage of 168,666 GT and a length of 1,141 feet (348 meters).

Anthem departed on its maiden voyage on April 22, 2015 . 

Like the other Quantum class ships, Anthem can accommodate a total of 4,905 guests and 1,500 crew members.

11. Freedom Of The Seas

Freedom of the Seas is a Freedom-class ship that departed on its maiden voyage on May 11, 2006 .

The ship has a gross tonnage of 156,271 GT and a length of 1,111 feet (338 meters). It can accommodate a total of 4,635 guests and 1,365 crew members.

12. Independence Of The Seas

Independence of the Seas is the second-largest Freedom-class ship, with a gross tonnage of 154,407 GT and a length of 1,112 feet (339 meters).

It can accommodate 3,648 guests and 1,360 crew members.

Independence departed on its maiden voyage on May 2, 2008.

13. Liberty Of The Seas

The third Freedom-class ship is Liberty of the Seas . It is almost identical to Independence in its size, with a gross tonnage of 154,407 and a length of 1,112 feet (339 meters).

Liberty can accommodate a total of 4,960 guests and 1,360 crew members. It was the second Freedom-class ship, built before Independence, and embarked on its maiden voyage on May 19, 2007 .

14. Navigator Of The Seas

The Voyager class ships are slightly smaller than the Freedom class, and the first is Navigator of the Seas . It has a gross tonnage of 139,999 GT and is 1,020 feet (310 meters) long.

Navigator has the capacity for 3,968 guests and 1,232 crew members. It departed on its maiden voyage on December 14, 2002 .

15. Mariner Of The Seas

The next Voyager class ship is Mariner of the Seas . It has a gross tonnage of 138,279 GT and is 1,020 feet (311 meters) long. The ship can accommodate 3,114 guests and 1,185 crew members.

Its maiden voyage started on November 16, 2003 .

16. Explorer Of The Seas

Explorer of the Seas is another Voyager class vessel. It’s slightly smaller than Mariner, with a gross tonnage of 137,308 GT and a length of 1,020 feet (311 meters).

In total, the ship can accommodate 4,290 guests and 1,185 crew members. Explorer embarked on its maiden voyage on October 28, 2000 .

17. Adventure Of The Seas

Adventure of the Seas is the fourth Voyager class ship. Its gross tonnage is 137,276 GT, and it is 1,020 feet long (311 meters). Adventure can accommodate 3,807 guests in total, as well as a crew of 1,185 people.

It departed on its maiden voyage on November 18, 2001 .

18. Voyager Of The Seas

Voyager of the Seas is the eponym of Royal Caribbean’s Voyager class. Like Adventure, it has a gross tonnage of 137,276 GT and a length of 1,020 feet (311 meters).

Voyager can accommodate 4,000 guests and 1,200 crew members, and it embarked on its maiden voyage on November 21, 1999 .

19. Radiance Of The Seas

The next ship is the first of the Radiance class: Radiance of the Seas . It has a gross tonnage of 90,090 GT and is 962 feet (293 meters) long.

Along with its smaller size, it can also accommodate fewer people: only 2,466 guests and 894 crew members.

Radiance started its maiden voyage on April 7, 2001 .

20. Brilliance Of The Seas

Brilliance of the Seas is another Radiance class vessel. It departed on its maiden voyage on July 15, 2002 .  

Brilliance also has a gross tonnage of 90,090 GT and is 962 feet (293 meters) long. It can accommodate 2,543 guests and 848 crew members.

21. Serenade Of The Seas

The next vessel in the Radiance class is Serenade of the Seas . Its gross tonnage is also 90,090 GT, but it is slightly longer than the other two Radiance vessels at 965 feet (294 meters).

Serenade can accommodate 2,476 guests in total, along with 832 international crew members. It departed on its maiden voyage on August 25, 2003 .

22. Jewel Of The Seas

Jewel of the Seas is the fourth cruise ship in Royal Caribbean’s Radiance class. It’s identical in size to Radiance and Brilliance, with a gross tonnage of 90,090 GT and a length of 962 feet (293 meters).

Jewel can accommodate 2,702 guests and 852 crew members. It embarked on its maiden voyage on May 8, 2004 .

23. Enchantment Of The Seas

Enchantment of the Seas is a Vision class ship with a gross tonnage of 82,910 GT and a length of 989 feet (301 meters). 

Enchantment accommodates 2,730 guests and a crew of 852 people. It embarked on its maiden voyage on July 13, 1997 .

24. Rhapsody Of The Seas

Rhapsody of the Seas is another Vision class vessel. It has a gross tonnage of 78,491 GT and a length of 915.35 feet (around 279 meters).

Rhapsody accommodates 2,416 guests and a crew complement of 765 people. It departed on its maiden voyage on May 19, 1997 .

25. Vision Of The Seas

Vision of the Seas is the eponym of the Vision class. It has a gross tonnage of 78,340 GT and a length of 915 feet (279 meters).

The cruise ship accommodates 2,514 guests and 742 international crew members. Its maiden voyage started on May 2, 1998 .

26. Grandeur Of The Seas

Grandeur of the Seas is the fourth cruise ship in Royal Caribbean’s Vision class. It has a gross tonnage of 73,817 GT and a length of 916 feet (279 meters).

Grandeur accommodates a total of 2,440 guests and 760 crew members. It departed on its maiden voyage on December 14, 1996 .

Future Royal Caribbean Cruise Ships

Royal Caribbean is in the habit of regularly announcing new cruise ships, and we are currently looking forward to the launch of two new ships: Icon of the Seas and Utopia of the Seas.

Icon of the Seas will be the first in a new class called the Icon class. It has a gross tonnage of 250,800 GT and will accommodate a maximum of 7,600 guests and 2,350 crew members. Royal Caribbean plans to launch this vessel in 2024.

Utopia of the Seas will also arrive in 2024 and boasts a gross tonnage of 236,860 GT. It will be able to accommodate more than 5,000 guests and 2,290 crew members. 

Why Does Size Matter?

When it comes to planning a family cruise vacation, the size of the ship can have a big impact on the overall experience. Here are some key factors families may want to consider when choosing a Royal Caribbean ship based on its size:

Amenities: Larger ships tend to have more amenities, which can be a big draw for families with kids. From water parks and zip lines to Broadway-style shows and multiple dining options, larger ships offer a wide variety of activities and entertainment options. Families who want a jam-packed itinerary with plenty of things to do may want to consider a larger ship with lots of amenities.

Crowds: On the flip side, some families may prefer a smaller ship to avoid crowds and have a more intimate experience. Smaller ships tend to have fewer passengers, which can mean shorter lines, more personalized service, and a quieter atmosphere. Families who want a more relaxed and low-key vacation may want to consider a smaller ship.

Age of Children: The age of your children can also be a factor in choosing the size of your ship. Larger ships may have more options for childcare and activities for kids, which can be a big plus for families with young children. However, families with infants or toddlers may prefer a smaller ship with a more relaxed atmosphere.

Also, the size of the ship will determine how many kids are on board. If you want opportunities for your older kids and teens to socialize with their own age group, you’ll find more options on a larger ship.

Personal Preference: Of course, personal preference is also a factor when it comes to choosing the size of your ship. Some families may prefer the excitement and energy of a large ship, while others may prefer the more intimate and relaxed experience of a smaller vessel. Families who have cruised before may have a better sense of what they like and can choose a ship based on their past experiences.

Itinerary: Families may want to consider the ship’s itinerary when choosing its size. Depending on the size of the ship, it may be able to visit smaller, more remote ports or larger, more popular destinations. Families who want to explore off-the-beaten-path destinations may want to consider a smaller ship, while those who want to hit all the major ports may prefer a larger vessel.

Overall, the size of the ship can be an important factor to consider when planning a family cruise vacation. 

Closing Thoughts

No matter what size Royal Caribbean ship you choose for your family vacation, one thing is certain: You’re in for an unforgettable adventure on the high seas. From the smallest ships to the largest, each vessel offers its own unique blend of amenities, activities, and experiences that will create countless lifetime memories for you and your family.

Elaine Warren

Founder & Crew Chief

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6 Best Cruises Out Of Port Canaveral

By Zachary Laks | Published on April 9, 2024

It's time to start planning your next big vacation. Whether you're looking for a weekend getaway, a family-friendly vacation or an extended voyage, you'll find cruises out of Port Canaveral, Florida that tick all your boxes.

When considering one of the cruises out of Port Canaveral, plan extra time before and after your sailing to soak up all the fun that the area has to offer. There's so much to do in Orlando that you could stay for several days and never get bored — music to your ears if you're traveling with children. One of the best things about Orlando cruises is that you have your choice of theme parks to round out your vacation. They're expansive and immersive escapes into playful worlds, not unlike a great cruise. I love tacking on an extra day or two at an Orlando theme park, usually before my cruise departs. I always appreciate the days of racking up thousands of steps traversing a theme park before boarding a cruise, where I know I'll be able to lounge on a deck or relax in a hot tub.

Not far from Port Canaveral, the Kennedy Space Center Visitor Complex is a great place to spend a day admiring the vast scope of NASA. The center offers one-of-a-kind immersion into space exploration, including the chance to strap into a rocket launch simulator for an adrenaline-pumping thrill.

For those seeking a more peaceful retreat before boarding their cruises out of Orlando, Port Canaveral is near the white sands of Cocoa Beach. Spend the day enjoying calm, low waves — great for year-round swimming, learning to surf and kayaking alongside manatees and dolphins. Or take a seat on an airboat ride through the wetlands for encounters with alligators and, depending on the season, bald eagles, herons and osprey.

Ready to book a cruise to Port Canaveral? Here are the six best cruises from Port Canaveral.

1. Best For A Long Weekend

Set to launch in the summer of 2024, Utopia of the Seas ℠ will be the sixth Oasis Class ship, Royal Caribbean's class of ships packed with adventure and entertainment. The new ship will focus on three- and four-night cruises from its year-round home port in Port Canaveral, with onboard upgrades that include reimagined pool decks, a Giovanni's℠ Italian Kitchen that spans two decks (try the osso buco!) and the new Pesky Parrot tiki bar, serving fruity cocktails on the Royal Promenade. This itinerary  to the Bahamas on Utopia of the Seas ℠ is the best for a long weekend exploring the highlights of The Bahamas, with a day in Nassau followed by a day at Perfect Day at CocoCay , Royal Caribbean's private island destination.

2. Best For Beach Lovers

This exquisite itinerary to the Southern Caribbean on Adventure of the Seas ® routes you to the farthest corner of the Caribbean for some of its best beaches. Sailing on the Adventure of the Seas ® for eight nights from Port Canaveral, you'll stop in ports such as Oranjestad, Aruba; Willemstad, Curaçao; and Kralendijk, Bonaire. Each port will welcome you with easily accessible, powdery sand beaches primed for world-class swimming, snorkeling and diving. You'll have your pick of 86 dive sites at Bonaire National Marine Park with more than 350 recorded fish species known to frequent the waters.

3. Best For A European Adventure

Transatlantic sailings make for such a special vacation, and this 13-night Transatlantic Azores itinerary on Adventure of the Seas ® packs four remarkable ports into the crossing. You'll cruise the Atlantic for the first nine days, living it up on a ship that is packed with ways to play and relax. You'll arrive in idyllic Tenerife in the Canary Islands on the tenth day. Immerse yourself in the local Spanish culture by spending part of your day exploring the Museum of Nature and Archaeology or the Basilica de Candelaria shrine. The cruise continues to Lanzarote, Canary Islands, where picture-perfect colonial mansions line cobblestone streets, then on to the adventurous mountain island of Madeira, Portugal before completing your journey in the charming streets of Lisbon, Portugal.

4. Best For Private Island Getaways

This unique Port Canaveral cruise itinerary  to Bermuda and Perfect Day at CocoCay on Adventure of the Seas ® visits both of Royal Caribbean's private destinations, where paradise is just steps away from the ship. On an eight-night journey, this ship will first cruise to Labadee, the cruise line's private peninsula adventure park and beach. Soak up this private spot by relaxing on the beach, enjoy the destination's signature cocktail specialty, the Labadoozie (a fruity rum cocktail) or opt for a zip line ride that will send you soaring over the ocean. The next private island destination is Perfect Day at CocoCay, Royal Caribbean's oasis in The Bahamas. Here you'll port within short distance of pristine beaches, a thrilling water park and countless ways to unwind beneath the palm trees. There's also a stop in Bermuda, home to pink-sand beaches and rum swizzles.

5. Best For Foodies

Foodies will delight in fresh, authentic Caribbean dishes on this itinerary to the Western Caribbean and Perfect Day at CocoCay on Wonder of the Seas ® . In Cozumel, Mexico you'll find lunch specialties featuring locally caught seafood, often grouper and red snapper fried on a plate with rice and a vibrant salad. In Roatán, Honduras, ceviche is the local favorite, along with fried plantains and baleadas — tacos made with soft flour tortillas. The ship's final port is Puerto Costa Maya, Mexico, a charming fishing village where the salbutes  (fried corn tortillas topped with shredded chicken) make a great appetizer to the catch of the day, served hot off the grill.

6. Best For Variety

This seven-night Eastern Caribbean itinerary  on Wonder of the Seas ® is a top choice if you want to change things up and go on a unique adventure in each port. Your first destination is Philipsburg, St. Maarten, where you can tour the island on an ATV, sample rum from a local distillery or end the day with a sunset horseback ride on the beach. When the ship arrives in the U.S. Virgin Islands at Charlotte Amalie, St. Thomas, head straight to Magens Bay, often short-listed as one of the world's most beautiful beaches. Or dive into a snorkeling tour to get face time with some sea turtles and coral reefs. On your final stop, Royal Caribbean's Perfect Day at CocoCay, everyone in your group can enjoy a seemingly endless array of activities. If the beach is calling, grab a spot on one of the many cushy beach loungers close to a bar serving up island cocktails that go great with the ocean view. For the adventurous ones, Daredevil's Peak® waterslide is North America's tallest and promises an adrenaline rush.

Encompassing ports of paradise and incredible culture, Orlando cruises are the ideal vacation getaway. Start planning your island escape from Port Canaveral now .

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Breaking news, father of florida cruise passenger, 20, who jumped off royal caribbean ship after argument believes his son is still alive: report.

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The father of the 20-year-old passenger who jumped off a Royal Caribbean cruise ship last Thursday in a reportedly drunken, impulsive leap believes his son is still alive nearly a week later.

Francel Parker, dad of missing Levion Parker, told the Daily Sun that he believes his child — whom he called a master diver — is still alive in the waters off the Bahamas.

“As soon as he went off the side, I prayed over him. I was confident the prayers I said over my son were heard. I stand on the word of God. I believe he is alive,” Francel Parker said to the local Florida paper Wednesday.

The US Coast Guard called off its search for the North Port man a day earlier.

The younger Parker allegedly jumped off the 18-story Liberty of the Seas around 4 a.m. in front of his helpless dad and younger brother after getting into an argument with his father, witnesses previously told The Post.

But Francel, who runs an AC business in Port Charlotte, told the local newspaper that he wasn’t arguing with Levion and that his son wasn’t trying to take his own life.

He said Levion is a skilled diver who works on a commercial fishing boat, and he is demanding to know how his underage son was given alcohol on the four-day cruise to Cuba and the Bahamas’ Grand Inagua Island.

“We don’t drink,” Francel said. “I’d like to know how my son was served so much alcohol.”

Another passenger onboard the cruise who witnessed Levion’s heart-stopping jump said Francel was “fussing at him for being drunk.”

Bryan Sims told The Post that he was hanging out with Levion and his 18-year-old brother, Seth, in the hotel tub of the ship in the early hours of April 4 before they went their separate ways.

After Sims had used the restroom and dried off, he bumped into the brothers and their father near the elevators.

“As we were walking from the hot tub back to the elevators, his dad and brother were walking towards us. His dad was fussing at him for being drunk, I guess,” Sims said of the moment before Parker jumped.  

“When we got to them, he said to his dad, ‘I’ll fix this right now.’ And he jumped out the window in front of us all,” Sims said, calling what he witnessed “surreal.”

Another cruise guest described the frantic chaos that followed.

“There was a lot of yelling, and the crew was alerted immediately,” Deborah Morrison told The Post.

“His family was horrified. Just beside themselves. I can’t even begin to imagine what they’re going through.”

Francel told the Daily Sun that he threw six life rings off the ship in hopes of saving his son before the massive vessel was able to come to a stop about 20 minutes later.

Royal Caribbean said it “immediately” launched search boats to look for the 20-year-old and alerted the Coast Guard, which later took over the search.

At least 406 people on major cruise lines and ferries have gone overboard between 2000 and 2024, according to data collected by retired professor and cruise industry researcher Ross Klein.

Death rates among overboard passengers and crew members vary significantly among cruise lines, but even the safest cruise companies were only able to rescue about 40% of people who fall or jump off the ship, Klein told the Washington Post in July.

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Royal Caribbean's family-friendly private island is about to get more crowded with Gen Xers

• Celebrity Cruises will sail to Royal Caribbean's Perfect Day at CocoCay for the first time.
• The cruise lines target different demographics, but the business case is solid.
• The private island is scheduled on 47 of Celebrity's itineraries this year.

Royal Caribbean's family-friendly private island is about to get a bit more crowded — with Gen Xers.

On April 21, Gen X-beloved Celebrity Cruises will voyage to Royal Caribbean International's Perfect Day at CocoCay for the first time, marking the start of a Celebrity-CocoCay bonanza: The premium cruise line plans to visit the family-friendly getaway 47 more times before the end of the year.

According to Celebrity, these itineraries will both double its year-round Caribbean offerings and launch its first weekend cruises . And travelers are hyped: A handful of these sailings are halfway or close to selling out.

Fares start at about $277 per person for a three-day roundtrip cruise from Fort Lauderdale, Florida, in which the Caribbean island is the only destination on the itinerary.

Travelers familiar with Celebrity and CocoCay might be scratching their heads

Royal Caribbean and Celebrity share the same parent company, Royal Caribbean Group .

For the most part, that's where their similarities end.

Royal Caribbean's private island is a tropical dream for cruising families dotted with sprawling beaches, clubs, a zipline, and a waterpark. The private destination is colorful, loud, kid-friendly, and generally the antithesis of what travelers might find on Celebrity's ships.

Celebrity's stylish vessels do offer children and teen programming. But if you want the exciting water slides, fun rides, and rock climbing walls of the popular mass-market ships, you're better off looking elsewhere.

Compared to Royal Caribbean's ships, Celebrity is best if you want to be on a premium, trendy, and more subdued cruise.

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If it's not obvious, the two brands are vying for different guests. Royal Caribbean goes after multi-generational families, while Celebrity's target demographic is Gen Xers, Lisa Lutoff-Perlo, the then-CEO of Celebrity Cruises, told Business Insider in 2021.

Celebrity sails to 300 ports on all seven continents — why this sudden push for the private Caribbean island?

In short, cruisers love Celebrity's upcoming Caribbean destination .

Last year, Michael Bayley, president and CEO of Royal Caribbean International, told analysts that CocoCay had seen robust demand, including from repeat travelers.

About two-thirds of Royal Caribbean's Caribbean-bound guests will stop at CocoCay this year. And most of them aren't complaining: "The vast majority of people love the islands," Patrick Scholes, a lodging and leisure research analyst at Truist Securities, told Business Insider in March.

But for the two brands' parent company, there are more benefits to private island cruising besides guest satisfaction.

CocoCay is one night's sailing from Florida's major cruise ports, reducing the visiting ships' fuel consumption and costs.

More importantly, these private destinations keep more profits in-house.

A day pass to CocoCay's waterpark can exceed $100 per person. Entry to the recently opened Hideaway Beach costs up to $89 per person. Nearby, an afternoon at the more luxurious Coco Beach Club could be shy of triple that cost.

Even the complimentary parts of the island have splurge-enticing amenities like rentable cabanas and snorkeling gear. And because there's no need to rely on other excursion operators, Celebrity's parent company gets to pocket more profits.

Most of Celebrity's 2024 cruises to CocoCay will be on two of its largest ships: the 3,849-guest Celebrity Beyond and 3,480-guest Celebrity Reflection. That's plenty of guests ready to spend big on the popular private island.

But that doesn't mean Celebrity cruisers will be fighting kids for beach chairs

It is possible to escape the hoards of families at Perfect Day at CocoCay. For example, the new Hideaway Beach is rowdy, boozy, and thankfully adult-only.

While not kid-free, on the other side of the island, the Oasis Lagoon pool has become the de facto hot spot for afternoon ragers "packed with intoxicated people having a really good time" on one end, and children on the other end, Bayley told reporters in late January.

If nothing else, at least there won't be any kids drinking at the island's more than 10 bars.

Watch: Inside the world's biggest cruise ship that just set sail

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Authorities Identify Son Who Jumped Off Cruise Ship in Front of Family

Witnesses said he appeared drunk and was fighting with his dad, according to reports.

Josh Fiallo

Breaking News Reporter

Getty Images

A man who jumped to his death from a Royal Caribbean cruise last week was identified by media outlets Wednesday as Levion Parker, a 20-year-old Floridian who regularly posted about hunting and fishing.

Parker’s body was never found after his fatal leap on Thursday, which sparked a massive U.S. Coast Guard search between Cuba and the Bahamas’ Inagua islands in the eastern Caribbean .

The Broward County Sheriff’s Office identified Parker on Wednesday, the New York Post and Daily Mail reported , just a day after the Coast Guard officially called off their search for the previously unidentified man. Florida deputies did not immediately respond to a request for confirmation from The Daily Beast.

Loved ones reportedly witnessed Parker jump off the 11th deck of the Liberty of the Seas cruise liner in what appeared to be an “impulsive leap,” the Post reported last week, citing a witness.

Bryan Sims, a passenger who claimed he saw the incident unfold, told the paper he’d been hanging out with Parker and his brother in the hot tub.

Sims told the Post that Parker “appeared drunk,” and he spotted him arguing with his dad over the supposed drinking. Moments later, he said Parker leaped into the sea without a trace from an area that housed whirlpools and hot tubs.

“When we got to them, he said to his dad, ‘I’ll fix this right now.’ And he jumped out the window in front of us all,” Sims said.

Deborah Morrison, another passenger, told the Daily Mail that crew were “alerted immediately” by the “yelling” that erupted on deck after Parker’s leap.

In a statement, Royal Caribbean said it immediately halted the ship and dispatched boats to search for Parker, but had no luck. The ship continued on its voyage back to Fort Lauderdale shortly after, leaving the search up to the Coast Guard.

Most of the 4,000 passengers aboard reportedly weren’t alerted to the incident until later that morning, when the ship’s captain made an announcement while many ate breakfast.

Social media accounts for Parker showed that he was an outdoorsman who’d won a fishing tournament just weeks prior to his fatal leap. Posts showed he played football for North Port High School, in southwest Florida, and graduated from there in 2022, reported the Daily Mail .

The paper added that the man’s father, Francel Parker, said the family is consulting lawyers and is planning on putting out a statement.

Got a tip? Send it to The Daily Beast  here .

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Crying Myself to Sleep on the Biggest Cruise Ship Ever

Seven agonizing nights aboard the Icon of the Seas

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Updated at 2:44 p.m. ET on April 6, 2024.

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MY FIRST GLIMPSE of Royal Caribbean’s Icon of the Seas, from the window of an approaching Miami cab, brings on a feeling of vertigo, nausea, amazement, and distress. I shut my eyes in defense, as my brain tells my optic nerve to try again.

The ship makes no sense, vertically or horizontally. It makes no sense on sea, or on land, or in outer space. It looks like a hodgepodge of domes and minarets, tubes and canopies, like Istanbul had it been designed by idiots. Vibrant, oversignifying colors are stacked upon other such colors, decks perched over still more decks; the only comfort is a row of lifeboats ringing its perimeter. There is no imposed order, no cogent thought, and, for those who do not harbor a totalitarian sense of gigantomania, no visual mercy. This is the biggest cruise ship ever built, and I have been tasked with witnessing its inaugural voyage.

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“Author embarks on their first cruise-ship voyage” has been a staple of American essay writing for almost three decades, beginning with David Foster Wallace’s “A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again,” which was first published in 1996 under the title “Shipping Out.” Since then, many admirable writers have widened and diversified the genre. Usually the essayist commissioned to take to the sea is in their first or second flush of youth and is ready to sharpen their wit against the hull of the offending vessel. I am 51, old and tired, having seen much of the world as a former travel journalist, and mostly what I do in both life and prose is shrug while muttering to my imaginary dachshund, “This too shall pass.” But the Icon of the Seas will not countenance a shrug. The Icon of the Seas is the Linda Loman of cruise ships, exclaiming that attention must be paid. And here I am in late January with my one piece of luggage and useless gray winter jacket and passport, zipping through the Port of Miami en route to the gangway that will separate me from the bulk of North America for more than seven days, ready to pay it in full.

The aforementioned gangway opens up directly onto a thriving mall (I will soon learn it is imperiously called the “Royal Promenade”), presently filled with yapping passengers beneath a ceiling studded with balloons ready to drop. Crew members from every part of the global South, as well as a few Balkans, are shepherding us along while pressing flutes of champagne into our hands. By a humming Starbucks, I drink as many of these as I can and prepare to find my cabin. I show my blue Suite Sky SeaPass Card (more on this later, much more) to a smiling woman from the Philippines, and she tells me to go “aft.” Which is where, now? As someone who has rarely sailed on a vessel grander than the Staten Island Ferry, I am confused. It turns out that the aft is the stern of the ship, or, for those of us who don’t know what a stern or an aft are, its ass. The nose of the ship, responsible for separating the waves before it, is also called a bow, and is marked for passengers as the FWD , or forward. The part of the contemporary sailing vessel where the malls are clustered is called the midship. I trust that you have enjoyed this nautical lesson.

I ascend via elevator to my suite on Deck 11. This is where I encounter my first terrible surprise. My suite windows and balcony do not face the ocean. Instead, they look out onto another shopping mall. This mall is the one that’s called Central Park, perhaps in homage to the Olmsted-designed bit of greenery in the middle of my hometown. Although on land I would be delighted to own a suite with Central Park views, here I am deeply depressed. To sail on a ship and not wake up to a vast blue carpet of ocean? Unthinkable.

Allow me a brief preamble here. The story you are reading was commissioned at a moment when most staterooms on the Icon were sold out. In fact, so enthralled by the prospect of this voyage were hard-core mariners that the ship’s entire inventory of guest rooms (the Icon can accommodate up to 7,600 passengers, but its inaugural journey was reduced to 5,000 or so for a less crowded experience) was almost immediately sold out. Hence, this publication was faced with the shocking prospect of paying nearly $19,000 to procure for this solitary passenger an entire suite—not including drinking expenses—all for the privilege of bringing you this article. But the suite in question doesn’t even have a view of the ocean! I sit down hard on my soft bed. Nineteen thousand dollars for this .

The viewless suite does have its pluses. In addition to all the Malin+Goetz products in my dual bathrooms, I am granted use of a dedicated Suite Deck lounge; access to Coastal Kitchen, a superior restaurant for Suites passengers; complimentary VOOM SM Surf & Stream (“the fastest Internet at Sea”) “for one device per person for the whole cruise duration”; a pair of bathrobes (one of which comes prestained with what looks like a large expectoration by the greenest lizard on Earth); and use of the Grove Suite Sun, an area on Decks 18 and 19 with food and deck chairs reserved exclusively for Suite passengers. I also get reserved seating for a performance of The Wizard of Oz , an ice-skating tribute to the periodic table, and similar provocations. The very color of my Suite Sky SeaPass Card, an oceanic blue as opposed to the cloying royal purple of the standard non-Suite passenger, will soon provoke envy and admiration. But as high as my status may be, there are those on board who have much higher status still, and I will soon learn to bow before them.

In preparation for sailing, I have “priced in,” as they say on Wall Street, the possibility that I may come from a somewhat different monde than many of the other cruisers. Without falling into stereotypes or preconceptions, I prepare myself for a friendly outspokenness on the part of my fellow seafarers that may not comply with modern DEI standards. I believe in meeting people halfway, and so the day before flying down to Miami, I visited what remains of Little Italy to purchase a popular T-shirt that reads DADDY’S LITTLE MEATBALL across the breast in the colors of the Italian flag. My wife recommended that I bring one of my many T-shirts featuring Snoopy and the Peanuts gang, as all Americans love the beagle and his friends. But I naively thought that my meatball T-shirt would be more suitable for conversation-starting. “Oh, and who is your ‘daddy’?” some might ask upon seeing it. “And how long have you been his ‘little meatball’?” And so on.

I put on my meatball T-shirt and head for one of the dining rooms to get a late lunch. In the elevator, I stick out my chest for all to read the funny legend upon it, but soon I realize that despite its burnished tricolor letters, no one takes note. More to the point, no one takes note of me. Despite my attempts at bridge building, the very sight of me (small, ethnic, without a cap bearing the name of a football team) elicits no reaction from other passengers. Most often, they will small-talk over me as if I don’t exist. This brings to mind the travails of David Foster Wallace , who felt so ostracized by his fellow passengers that he retreated to his cabin for much of his voyage. And Wallace was raised primarily in the Midwest and was a much larger, more American-looking meatball than I am. If he couldn’t talk to these people, how will I? What if I leave this ship without making any friends at all, despite my T-shirt? I am a social creature, and the prospect of seven days alone and apart is saddening. Wallace’s stateroom, at least, had a view of the ocean, a kind of cheap eternity.

Worse awaits me in the dining room. This is a large, multichandeliered room where I attended my safety training (I was shown how to put on a flotation vest; it is a very simple procedure). But the maître d’ politely refuses me entry in an English that seems to verge on another language. “I’m sorry, this is only for pendejos ,” he seems to be saying. I push back politely and he repeats himself. Pendejos ? Piranhas? There’s some kind of P-word to which I am not attuned. Meanwhile elderly passengers stream right past, powered by their limbs, walkers, and electric wheelchairs. “It is only pendejo dining today, sir.” “But I have a suite!” I say, already starting to catch on to the ship’s class system. He examines my card again. “But you are not a pendejo ,” he confirms. I am wearing a DADDY’S LITTLE MEATBALL T-shirt, I want to say to him. I am the essence of pendejo .

Eventually, I give up and head to the plebeian buffet on Deck 15, which has an aquatic-styled name I have now forgotten. Before gaining entry to this endless cornucopia of reheated food, one passes a washing station of many sinks and soap dispensers, and perhaps the most intriguing character on the entire ship. He is Mr. Washy Washy—or, according to his name tag, Nielbert of the Philippines—and he is dressed as a taco (on other occasions, I’ll see him dressed as a burger). Mr. Washy Washy performs an eponymous song in spirited, indeed flamboyant English: “Washy, washy, wash your hands, WASHY WASHY!” The dangers of norovirus and COVID on a cruise ship this size (a giant fellow ship was stricken with the former right after my voyage) makes Mr. Washy Washy an essential member of the crew. The problem lies with the food at the end of Washy’s rainbow. The buffet is groaning with what sounds like sophisticated dishes—marinated octopus, boiled egg with anchovy, chorizo, lobster claws—but every animal tastes tragically the same, as if there was only one creature available at the market, a “cruisipus” bred specifically for Royal Caribbean dining. The “vegetables” are no better. I pick up a tomato slice and look right through it. It tastes like cellophane. I sit alone, apart from the couples and parents with gaggles of children, as “We Are Family” echoes across the buffet space.

I may have failed to mention that all this time, the Icon of the Seas has not left port. As the fiery mango of the subtropical setting sun makes Miami’s condo skyline even more apocalyptic, the ship shoves off beneath a perfunctory display of fireworks. After the sun sets, in the far, dark distance, another circus-lit cruise ship ruptures the waves before us. We glance at it with pity, because it is by definition a smaller ship than our own. I am on Deck 15, outside the buffet and overlooking a bunch of pools (the Icon has seven of them), drinking a frilly drink that I got from one of the bars (the Icon has 15 of them), still too shy to speak to anyone, despite Sister Sledge’s assertion that all on the ship are somehow related.

Kim Brooks: On failing the family vacation

The ship’s passage away from Ron DeSantis’s Florida provides no frisson, no sense of developing “sea legs,” as the ship is too large to register the presence of waves unless a mighty wind adds significant chop. It is time for me to register the presence of the 5,000 passengers around me, even if they refuse to register mine. My fellow travelers have prepared for this trip with personally decorated T-shirts celebrating the importance of this voyage. The simplest ones say ICON INAUGURAL ’24 on the back and the family name on the front. Others attest to an over-the-top love of cruise ships: WARNING! MAY START TALKING ABOUT CRUISING . Still others are artisanally designed and celebrate lifetimes spent married while cruising (on ships, of course). A couple possibly in their 90s are wearing shirts whose backs feature a drawing of a cruise liner, two flamingos with ostensibly male and female characteristics, and the legend “ HUSBAND AND WIFE Cruising Partners FOR LIFE WE MAY NOT HAVE IT All Together BUT TOGETHER WE HAVE IT ALL .” (The words not in all caps have been written in cursive.) A real journalist or a more intrepid conversationalist would have gone up to the couple and asked them to explain the longevity of their marriage vis-à-vis their love of cruising. But instead I head to my mall suite, take off my meatball T-shirt, and allow the first tears of the cruise to roll down my cheeks slowly enough that I briefly fall asleep amid the moisture and salt.

I WAKE UP with a hangover. Oh God. Right. I cannot believe all of that happened last night. A name floats into my cobwebbed, nauseated brain: “Ayn Rand.” Jesus Christ.

I breakfast alone at the Coastal Kitchen. The coffee tastes fine and the eggs came out of a bird. The ship rolls slightly this morning; I can feel it in my thighs and my schlong, the parts of me that are most receptive to danger.

I had a dangerous conversation last night. After the sun set and we were at least 50 miles from shore (most modern cruise ships sail at about 23 miles an hour), I lay in bed softly hiccupping, my arms stretched out exactly like Jesus on the cross, the sound of the distant waves missing from my mall-facing suite, replaced by the hum of air-conditioning and children shouting in Spanish through the vents of my two bathrooms. I decided this passivity was unacceptable. As an immigrant, I feel duty-bound to complete the tasks I am paid for, which means reaching out and trying to understand my fellow cruisers. So I put on a normal James Perse T-shirt and headed for one of the bars on the Royal Promenade—the Schooner Bar, it was called, if memory serves correctly.

I sat at the bar for a martini and two Negronis. An old man with thick, hairy forearms drank next to me, very silent and Hemingwaylike, while a dreadlocked piano player tinkled out a series of excellent Elton John covers. To my right, a young white couple—he in floral shorts, she in a light, summery miniskirt with a fearsome diamond ring, neither of them in football regalia—chatted with an elderly couple. Do it , I commanded myself. Open your mouth. Speak! Speak without being spoken to. Initiate. A sentence fragment caught my ear from the young woman, “Cherry Hill.” This is a suburb of Philadelphia in New Jersey, and I had once been there for a reading at a synagogue. “Excuse me,” I said gently to her. “Did you just mention Cherry Hill? It’s a lovely place.”

As it turned out, the couple now lived in Fort Lauderdale (the number of Floridians on the cruise surprised me, given that Southern Florida is itself a kind of cruise ship, albeit one slowly sinking), but soon they were talking with me exclusively—the man potbellied, with a chin like a hard-boiled egg; the woman as svelte as if she were one of the many Ukrainian members of the crew—the elderly couple next to them forgotten. This felt as groundbreaking as the first time I dared to address an American in his native tongue, as a child on a bus in Queens (“On my foot you are standing, Mister”).

“I don’t want to talk politics,” the man said. “But they’re going to eighty-six Biden and put Michelle in.”

I considered the contradictions of his opening conversational gambit, but decided to play along. “People like Michelle,” I said, testing the waters. The husband sneered, but the wife charitably put forward that the former first lady was “more personable” than Joe Biden. “They’re gonna eighty-six Biden,” the husband repeated. “He can’t put a sentence together.”

After I mentioned that I was a writer—though I presented myself as a writer of teleplays instead of novels and articles such as this one—the husband told me his favorite writer was Ayn Rand. “Ayn Rand, she came here with nothing,” the husband said. “I work with a lot of Cubans, so …” I wondered if I should mention what I usually do to ingratiate myself with Republicans or libertarians: the fact that my finances improved after pass-through corporations were taxed differently under Donald Trump. Instead, I ordered another drink and the couple did the same, and I told him that Rand and I were born in the same city, St. Petersburg/Leningrad, and that my family also came here with nothing. Now the bonding and drinking began in earnest, and several more rounds appeared. Until it all fell apart.

Read: Gary Shteyngart on watching Russian television for five days straight

My new friend, whom I will refer to as Ayn, called out to a buddy of his across the bar, and suddenly a young couple, both covered in tattoos, appeared next to us. “He fucking punked me,” Ayn’s frat-boy-like friend called out as he put his arm around Ayn, while his sizable partner sizzled up to Mrs. Rand. Both of them had a look I have never seen on land—their eyes projecting absence and enmity in equal measure. In the ’90s, I drank with Russian soldiers fresh from Chechnya and wandered the streets of wartime Zagreb, but I have never seen such undisguised hostility toward both me and perhaps the universe at large. I was briefly introduced to this psychopathic pair, but neither of them wanted to have anything to do with me, and the tattooed woman would not even reveal her Christian name to me (she pretended to have the same first name as Mrs. Rand). To impress his tattooed friends, Ayn made fun of the fact that as a television writer, I’d worked on the series Succession (which, it would turn out, practically nobody on the ship had watched), instead of the far more palatable, in his eyes, zombie drama of last year. And then my new friends drifted away from me into an angry private conversation—“He punked me!”—as I ordered another drink for myself, scared of the dead-eyed arrivals whose gaze never registered in the dim wattage of the Schooner Bar, whose terrifying voices and hollow laughs grated like unoiled gears against the crooning of “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.”

But today is a new day for me and my hangover. After breakfast, I explore the ship’s so-called neighborhoods . There’s the AquaDome, where one can find a food hall and an acrobatic sound-and-light aquatic show. Central Park has a premium steak house, a sushi joint, and a used Rolex that can be bought for $8,000 on land here proudly offered at $17,000. There’s the aforementioned Royal Promenade, where I had drunk with the Rands, and where a pair of dueling pianos duel well into the night. There’s Surfside, a kids’ neighborhood full of sugary garbage, which looks out onto the frothy trail that the behemoth leaves behind itself. Thrill Island refers to the collection of tubes that clutter the ass of the ship and offer passengers six waterslides and a surfing simulation. There’s the Hideaway, an adult zone that plays music from a vomit-slathered, Brit-filled Alicante nightclub circa 1996 and proves a big favorite with groups of young Latin American customers. And, most hurtfully, there’s the Suite Neighborhood.

I say hurtfully because as a Suite passenger I should be here, though my particular suite is far from the others. Whereas I am stuck amid the riffraff of Deck 11, this section is on the highborn Decks 16 and 17, and in passing, I peek into the spacious, tall-ceilinged staterooms from the hallway, dazzled by the glint of the waves and sun. For $75,000, one multifloor suite even comes with its own slide between floors, so that a family may enjoy this particular terror in private. There is a quiet splendor to the Suite Neighborhood. I see fewer stickers and signs and drawings than in my own neighborhood—for example, MIKE AND DIANA PROUDLY SERVED U.S. MARINE CORPS RETIRED . No one here needs to announce their branch of service or rank; they are simply Suites, and this is where they belong. Once again, despite my hard work and perseverance, I have been disallowed from the true American elite. Once again, I am “Not our class, dear.” I am reminded of watching The Love Boat on my grandmother’s Zenith, which either was given to her or we found in the trash (I get our many malfunctioning Zeniths confused) and whose tube got so hot, I would put little chunks of government cheese on a thin tissue atop it to give our welfare treat a pleasant, Reagan-era gooeyness. I could not understand English well enough then to catch the nuances of that seafaring program, but I knew that there were differences in the status of the passengers, and that sometimes those differences made them sad. Still, this ship, this plenty—every few steps, there are complimentary nachos or milkshakes or gyros on offer—was the fatty fuel of my childhood dreams. If only I had remained a child.

I walk around the outdoor decks looking for company. There is a middle-aged African American couple who always seem to be asleep in each other’s arms, probably exhausted from the late capitalism they regularly encounter on land. There is far more diversity on this ship than I expected. Many couples are a testament to Loving v. Virginia , and there is a large group of folks whose T-shirts read MELANIN AT SEA / IT’S THE MELANIN FOR ME . I smile when I see them, but then some young kids from the group makes Mr. Washy Washy do a cruel, caricatured “Burger Dance” (today he is in his burger getup), and I think, Well, so much for intersectionality .

At the infinity pool on Deck 17, I spot some elderly women who could be ethnic and from my part of the world, and so I jump in. I am proved correct! Many of them seem to be originally from Queens (“Corona was still great when it was all Italian”), though they are now spread across the tristate area. We bond over the way “Ron-kon-koma” sounds when announced in Penn Station.

“Everyone is here for a different reason,” one of them tells me. She and her ex-husband last sailed together four years ago to prove to themselves that their marriage was truly over. Her 15-year-old son lost his virginity to “an Irish young lady” while their ship was moored in Ravenna, Italy. The gaggle of old-timers competes to tell me their favorite cruising stories and tips. “A guy proposed in Central Park a couple of years ago”—many Royal Caribbean ships apparently have this ridiculous communal area—“and she ran away screaming!” “If you’re diamond-class, you get four drinks for free.” “A different kind of passenger sails out of Bayonne.” (This, perhaps, is racially coded.) “Sometimes, if you tip the bartender $5, your next drink will be free.”

“Everyone’s here for a different reason,” the woman whose marriage ended on a cruise tells me again. “Some people are here for bad reasons—the drinkers and the gamblers. Some people are here for medical reasons.” I have seen more than a few oxygen tanks and at least one woman clearly undergoing very serious chemo. Some T-shirts celebrate good news about a cancer diagnosis. This might be someone’s last cruise or week on Earth. For these women, who have spent months, if not years, at sea, cruising is a ritual as well as a life cycle: first love, last love, marriage, divorce, death.

Read: The last place on Earth any tourist should go

I have talked with these women for so long, tonight I promise myself that after a sad solitary dinner I will not try to seek out company at the bars in the mall or the adult-themed Hideaway. I have enough material to fulfill my duties to this publication. As I approach my orphaned suite, I run into the aggro young people who stole Mr. and Mrs. Rand away from me the night before. The tattooed apparitions pass me without a glance. She is singing something violent about “Stuttering Stanley” (a character in a popular horror movie, as I discover with my complimentary VOOM SM Surf & Stream Internet at Sea) and he’s loudly shouting about “all the money I’ve lost,” presumably at the casino in the bowels of the ship.

So these bent psychos out of a Cormac McCarthy novel are angrily inhabiting my deck. As I mewl myself to sleep, I envision a limited series for HBO or some other streamer, a kind of low-rent White Lotus , where several aggressive couples conspire to throw a shy intellectual interloper overboard. I type the scenario into my phone. As I fall asleep, I think of what the woman who recently divorced her husband and whose son became a man through the good offices of the Irish Republic told me while I was hoisting myself out of the infinity pool. “I’m here because I’m an explorer. I’m here because I’m trying something new.” What if I allowed myself to believe in her fantasy?

“YOU REALLY STARTED AT THE TOP,” they tell me. I’m at the Coastal Kitchen for my eggs and corned-beef hash, and the maître d’ has slotted me in between two couples. Fueled by coffee or perhaps intrigued by my relative youth, they strike up a conversation with me. As always, people are shocked that this is my first cruise. They contrast the Icon favorably with all the preceding liners in the Royal Caribbean fleet, usually commenting on the efficiency of the elevators that hurl us from deck to deck (as in many large corporate buildings, the elevators ask you to choose a floor and then direct you to one of many lifts). The couple to my right, from Palo Alto—he refers to his “porn mustache” and calls his wife “my cougar” because she is two years older—tell me they are “Pandemic Pinnacles.”

This is the day that my eyes will be opened. Pinnacles , it is explained to me over translucent cantaloupe, have sailed with Royal Caribbean for 700 ungodly nights. Pandemic Pinnacles took advantage of the two-for-one accrual rate of Pinnacle points during the pandemic, when sailing on a cruise ship was even more ill-advised, to catapult themselves into Pinnacle status.

Because of the importance of the inaugural voyage of the world’s largest cruise liner, more than 200 Pinnacles are on this ship, a startling number, it seems. Mrs. Palo Alto takes out a golden badge that I have seen affixed over many a breast, which reads CROWN AND ANCHOR SOCIETY along with her name. This is the coveted badge of the Pinnacle. “You should hear all the whining in Guest Services,” her husband tells me. Apparently, the Pinnacles who are not also Suites like us are all trying to use their status to get into Coastal Kitchen, our elite restaurant. Even a Pinnacle needs to be a Suite to access this level of corned-beef hash.

“We’re just baby Pinnacles,” Mrs. Palo Alto tells me, describing a kind of internal class struggle among the Pinnacle elite for ever higher status.

And now I understand what the maître d’ was saying to me on the first day of my cruise. He wasn’t saying “ pendejo .” He was saying “Pinnacle.” The dining room was for Pinnacles only, all those older people rolling in like the tide on their motorized scooters.

And now I understand something else: This whole thing is a cult. And like most cults, it can’t help but mirror the endless American fight for status. Like Keith Raniere’s NXIVM, where different-colored sashes were given out to connote rank among Raniere’s branded acolytes, this is an endless competition among Pinnacles, Suites, Diamond-Plusers, and facing-the-mall, no-balcony purple SeaPass Card peasants, not to mention the many distinctions within each category. The more you cruise, the higher your status. No wonder a section of the Royal Promenade is devoted to getting passengers to book their next cruise during the one they should be enjoying now. No wonder desperate Royal Caribbean offers (“FINAL HOURS”) crowded my email account weeks before I set sail. No wonder the ship’s jewelry store, the Royal Bling, is selling a $100,000 golden chalice that will entitle its owner to drink free on Royal Caribbean cruises for life. (One passenger was already gaming out whether her 28-year-old son was young enough to “just about earn out” on the chalice or if that ship had sailed.) No wonder this ship was sold out months before departure , and we had to pay $19,000 for a horrid suite away from the Suite Neighborhood. No wonder the most mythical hero of Royal Caribbean lore is someone named Super Mario, who has cruised so often, he now has his own working desk on many ships. This whole experience is part cult, part nautical pyramid scheme.

From the June 2014 issue: Ship of wonks

“The toilets are amazing,” the Palo Altos are telling me. “One flush and you’re done.” “They don’t understand how energy-efficient these ships are,” the husband of the other couple is telling me. “They got the LNG”—liquefied natural gas, which is supposed to make the Icon a boon to the environment (a concept widely disputed and sometimes ridiculed by environmentalists).

But I’m thinking along a different line of attack as I spear my last pallid slice of melon. For my streaming limited series, a Pinnacle would have to get killed by either an outright peasant or a Suite without an ocean view. I tell my breakfast companions my idea.

“Oh, for sure a Pinnacle would have to be killed,” Mr. Palo Alto, the Pandemic Pinnacle, says, touching his porn mustache thoughtfully as his wife nods.

“THAT’S RIGHT, IT’S your time, buddy!” Hubert, my fun-loving Panamanian cabin attendant, shouts as I step out of my suite in a robe. “Take it easy, buddy!”

I have come up with a new dressing strategy. Instead of trying to impress with my choice of T-shirts, I have decided to start wearing a robe, as one does at a resort property on land, with a proper spa and hammam. The response among my fellow cruisers has been ecstatic. “Look at you in the robe!” Mr. Rand cries out as we pass each other by the Thrill Island aqua park. “You’re living the cruise life! You know, you really drank me under the table that night.” I laugh as we part ways, but my soul cries out, Please spend more time with me, Mr. and Mrs. Rand; I so need the company .

In my white robe, I am a stately presence, a refugee from a better limited series, a one-man crossover episode. (Only Suites are granted these robes to begin with.) Today, I will try many of the activities these ships have on offer to provide their clientele with a sense of never-ceasing motion. Because I am already at Thrill Island, I decide to climb the staircase to what looks like a mast on an old-fashioned ship (terrified, because I am afraid of heights) to try a ride called “Storm Chasers,” which is part of the “Category 6” water park, named in honor of one of the storms that may someday do away with the Port of Miami entirely. Storm Chasers consists of falling from the “mast” down a long, twisting neon tube filled with water, like being the camera inside your own colonoscopy, as you hold on to the handles of a mat, hoping not to die. The tube then flops you down headfirst into a trough of water, a Royal Caribbean baptism. It both knocks my breath out and makes me sad.

In keeping with the aquatic theme, I attend a show at the AquaDome. To the sound of “Live and Let Die,” a man in a harness gyrates to and fro in the sultry air. I saw something very similar in the back rooms of the famed Berghain club in early-aughts Berlin. Soon another harnessed man is gyrating next to the first. Ja , I think to myself, I know how this ends. Now will come the fisting , natürlich . But the show soon devolves into the usual Marvel-film-grade nonsense, with too much light and sound signifying nichts . If any fisting is happening, it is probably in the Suite Neighborhood, inside a cabin marked with an upside-down pineapple, which I understand means a couple are ready to swing, and I will see none of it.

I go to the ice show, which is a kind of homage—if that’s possible—to the periodic table, done with the style and pomp and masterful precision that would please the likes of Kim Jong Un, if only he could afford Royal Caribbean talent. At one point, the dancers skate to the theme song of Succession . “See that!” I want to say to my fellow Suites—at “cultural” events, we have a special section reserved for us away from the commoners—“ Succession ! It’s even better than the zombie show! Open your minds!”

Finally, I visit a comedy revue in an enormous and too brightly lit version of an “intimate,” per Royal Caribbean literature, “Manhattan comedy club.” Many of the jokes are about the cruising life. “I’ve lived on ships for 20 years,” one of the middle-aged comedians says. “I can only see so many Filipino homosexuals dressed as a taco.” He pauses while the audience laughs. “I am so fired tonight,” he says. He segues into a Trump impression and then Biden falling asleep at the microphone, which gets the most laughs. “Anyone here from Fort Leonard Wood?” another comedian asks. Half the crowd seems to cheer. As I fall asleep that night, I realize another connection I have failed to make, and one that may explain some of the diversity on this vessel—many of its passengers have served in the military.

As a coddled passenger with a suite, I feel like I am starting to understand what it means to have a rank and be constantly reminded of it. There are many espresso makers , I think as I look across the expanse of my officer-grade quarters before closing my eyes, but this one is mine .

A shocking sight greets me beyond the pools of Deck 17 as I saunter over to the Coastal Kitchen for my morning intake of slightly sour Americanos. A tiny city beneath a series of perfectly pressed green mountains. Land! We have docked for a brief respite in Basseterre, the capital of St. Kitts and Nevis. I wolf down my egg scramble to be one of the first passengers off the ship. Once past the gangway, I barely refrain from kissing the ground. I rush into the sights and sounds of this scruffy island city, sampling incredible conch curry and buckets of non-Starbucks coffee. How wonderful it is to be where God intended humans to be: on land. After all, I am neither a fish nor a mall rat. This is my natural environment. Basseterre may not be Havana, but there are signs of human ingenuity and desire everywhere you look. The Black Table Grill Has been Relocated to Soho Village, Market Street, Directly Behind of, Gary’s Fruits and Flower Shop. Signed. THE PORK MAN reads a sign stuck to a wall. Now, that is how you write a sign. A real sign, not the come-ons for overpriced Rolexes that blink across the screens of the Royal Promenade.

“Hey, tie your shoestring!” a pair of laughing ladies shout to me across the street.

“Thank you!” I shout back. Shoestring! “Thank you very much.”

A man in Independence Square Park comes by and asks if I want to play with his monkey. I haven’t heard that pickup line since the Penn Station of the 1980s. But then he pulls a real monkey out of a bag. The monkey is wearing a diaper and looks insane. Wonderful , I think, just wonderful! There is so much life here. I email my editor asking if I can remain on St. Kitts and allow the Icon to sail off into the horizon without me. I have even priced a flight home at less than $300, and I have enough material from the first four days on the cruise to write the entire story. “It would be funny …” my editor replies. “Now get on the boat.”

As I slink back to the ship after my brief jailbreak, the locals stand under umbrellas to gaze at and photograph the boat that towers over their small capital city. The limousines of the prime minister and his lackeys are parked beside the gangway. St. Kitts, I’ve been told, is one of the few islands that would allow a ship of this size to dock.

“We hear about all the waterslides,” a sweet young server in one of the cafés told me. “We wish we could go on the ship, but we have to work.”

“I want to stay on your island,” I replied. “I love it here.”

But she didn’t understand how I could possibly mean that.

“WASHY, WASHY, so you don’t get stinky, stinky!” kids are singing outside the AquaDome, while their adult minders look on in disapproval, perhaps worried that Mr. Washy Washy is grooming them into a life of gayness. I heard a southern couple skip the buffet entirely out of fear of Mr. Washy Washy.

Meanwhile, I have found a new watering hole for myself, the Swim & Tonic, the biggest swim-up bar on any cruise ship in the world. Drinking next to full-size, nearly naked Americans takes away one’s own self-consciousness. The men have curvaceous mom bodies. The women are equally un-shy about their sprawling physiques.

Today I’ve befriended a bald man with many children who tells me that all of the little trinkets that Royal Caribbean has left us in our staterooms and suites are worth a fortune on eBay. “Eighty dollars for the water bottle, 60 for the lanyard,” the man says. “This is a cult.”

“Tell me about it,” I say. There is, however, a clientele for whom this cruise makes perfect sense. For a large middle-class family (he works in “supply chains”), seven days in a lower-tier cabin—which starts at $1,800 a person—allow the parents to drop off their children in Surfside, where I imagine many young Filipina crew members will take care of them, while the parents are free to get drunk at a swim-up bar and maybe even get intimate in their cabin. Cruise ships have become, for a certain kind of hardworking family, a form of subsidized child care.

There is another man I would like to befriend at the Swim & Tonic, a tall, bald fellow who is perpetually inebriated and who wears a necklace studded with little rubber duckies in sunglasses, which, I am told, is a sort of secret handshake for cruise aficionados. Tomorrow, I will spend more time with him, but first the ship docks at St. Thomas, in the U.S. Virgin Islands. Charlotte Amalie, the capital, is more charming in name than in presence, but I still all but jump off the ship to score a juicy oxtail and plantains at the well-known Petite Pump Room, overlooking the harbor. From one of the highest points in the small city, the Icon of the Seas appears bigger than the surrounding hills.

I usually tan very evenly, but something about the discombobulation of life at sea makes me forget the regular application of sunscreen. As I walk down the streets of Charlotte Amalie in my fluorescent Icon of the Seas cap, an old Rastafarian stares me down. “Redneck,” he hisses.

“No,” I want to tell him, as I bring a hand up to my red neck, “that’s not who I am at all. On my island, Mannahatta, as Whitman would have it, I am an interesting person living within an engaging artistic milieu. I do not wish to use the Caribbean as a dumping ground for the cruise-ship industry. I love the work of Derek Walcott. You don’t understand. I am not a redneck. And if I am, they did this to me.” They meaning Royal Caribbean? Its passengers? The Rands?

“They did this to me!”

Back on the Icon, some older matrons are muttering about a run-in with passengers from the Celebrity cruise ship docked next to us, the Celebrity Apex. Although Celebrity Cruises is also owned by Royal Caribbean, I am made to understand that there is a deep fratricidal beef between passengers of the two lines. “We met a woman from the Apex,” one matron says, “and she says it was a small ship and there was nothing to do. Her face was as tight as a 19-year-old’s, she had so much surgery.” With those words, and beneath a cloudy sky, humidity shrouding our weathered faces and red necks, we set sail once again, hopefully in the direction of home.

THERE ARE BARELY 48 HOURS LEFT to the cruise, and the Icon of the Seas’ passengers are salty. They know how to work the elevators. They know the Washy Washy song by heart. They understand that the chicken gyro at “Feta Mediterranean,” in the AquaDome Market, is the least problematic form of chicken on the ship.

The passengers have shed their INAUGURAL CRUISE T-shirts and are now starting to evince political opinions. There are caps pledging to make America great again and T-shirts that celebrate words sometimes attributed to Patrick Henry: “The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people; it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government.” With their preponderance of FAMILY FLAG FAITH FRIENDS FIREARMS T-shirts, the tables by the crepe station sometimes resemble the Capitol Rotunda on January 6. The Real Anthony Fauci , by Robert F. Kennedy Jr., appears to be a popular form of literature, especially among young men with very complicated versions of the American flag on their T-shirts. Other opinions blend the personal and the political. “Someone needs to kill Washy guy, right?” a well-dressed man in the elevator tells me, his gray eyes radiating nothing. “Just beat him to death. Am I right?” I overhear the male member of a young couple whisper, “There goes that freak” as I saunter by in my white spa robe, and I decide to retire it for the rest of the cruise.

I visit the Royal Bling to see up close the $100,000 golden chalice that entitles you to free drinks on Royal Caribbean forever. The pleasant Serbian saleslady explains that the chalice is actually gold-plated and covered in white zirconia instead of diamonds, as it would otherwise cost $1 million. “If you already have everything,” she explains, “this is one more thing you can get.”

I believe that anyone who works for Royal Caribbean should be entitled to immediate American citizenship. They already speak English better than most of the passengers and, per the Serbian lady’s sales pitch above, better understand what America is as well. Crew members like my Panamanian cabin attendant seem to work 24 hours a day. A waiter from New Delhi tells me that his contract is six months and three weeks long. After a cruise ends, he says, “in a few hours, we start again for the next cruise.” At the end of the half a year at sea, he is allowed a two-to-three-month stay at home with his family. As of 2019, the median income for crew members was somewhere in the vicinity of $20,000, according to a major business publication. Royal Caribbean would not share the current median salary for its crew members, but I am certain that it amounts to a fraction of the cost of a Royal Bling gold-plated, zirconia-studded chalice.

And because most of the Icon’s hyper-sanitized spaces are just a frittata away from being a Delta lounge, one forgets that there are actual sailors on this ship, charged with the herculean task of docking it in port. “Having driven 100,000-ton aircraft carriers throughout my career,” retired Admiral James G. Stavridis, the former NATO Supreme Allied Commander Europe, writes to me, “I’m not sure I would even know where to begin with trying to control a sea monster like this one nearly three times the size.” (I first met Stavridis while touring Army bases in Germany more than a decade ago.)

Today, I decide to head to the hot tub near Swim & Tonic, where some of the ship’s drunkest reprobates seem to gather (the other tubs are filled with families and couples). The talk here, like everywhere else on the ship, concerns football, a sport about which I know nothing. It is apparent that four teams have recently competed in some kind of finals for the year, and that two of them will now face off in the championship. Often when people on the Icon speak, I will try to repeat the last thing they said with a laugh or a nod of disbelief. “Yes, 20-yard line! Ha!” “Oh my God, of course, scrimmage.”

Soon we are joined in the hot tub by the late-middle-age drunk guy with the duck necklace. He is wearing a bucket hat with the legend HAWKEYES , which, I soon gather, is yet another football team. “All right, who turned me in?” Duck Necklace says as he plops into the tub beside us. “I get a call in the morning,” he says. “It’s security. Can you come down to the dining room by 10 a.m.? You need to stay away from the members of this religious family.” Apparently, the gregarious Duck Necklace had photobombed the wrong people. There are several families who present as evangelical Christians or practicing Muslims on the ship. One man, evidently, was not happy that Duck Necklace had made contact with his relatives. “It’s because of religious stuff; he was offended. I put my arm around 20 people a day.”

Everyone laughs. “They asked me three times if I needed medication,” he says of the security people who apparently interrogated him in full view of others having breakfast.

Another hot-tub denizen suggests that he should have asked for fentanyl. After a few more drinks, Duck Necklace begins to muse about what it would be like to fall off the ship. “I’m 62 and I’m ready to go,” he says. “I just don’t want a shark to eat me. I’m a huge God guy. I’m a Bible guy. There’s some Mayan theory squaring science stuff with religion. There is so much more to life on Earth.” We all nod into our Red Stripes.

“I never get off the ship when we dock,” he says. He tells us he lost $6,000 in the casino the other day. Later, I look him up, and it appears that on land, he’s a financial adviser in a crisp gray suit, probably a pillar of his North Chicago community.

THE OCEAN IS TEEMING with fascinating life, but on the surface it has little to teach us. The waves come and go. The horizon remains ever far away.

I am constantly told by my fellow passengers that “everybody here has a story.” Yes, I want to reply, but everybody everywhere has a story. You, the reader of this essay, have a story, and yet you’re not inclined to jump on a cruise ship and, like Duck Necklace, tell your story to others at great pitch and volume. Maybe what they’re saying is that everybody on this ship wants to have a bigger, more coherent, more interesting story than the one they’ve been given. Maybe that’s why there’s so much signage on the doors around me attesting to marriages spent on the sea. Maybe that’s why the Royal Caribbean newsletter slipped under my door tells me that “this isn’t a vacation day spent—it’s bragging rights earned.” Maybe that’s why I’m so lonely.

Today is a big day for Icon passengers. Today the ship docks at Royal Caribbean’s own Bahamian island, the Perfect Day at CocoCay. (This appears to be the actual name of the island.) A comedian at the nightclub opined on what his perfect day at CocoCay would look like—receiving oral sex while learning that his ex-wife had been killed in a car crash (big laughter). But the reality of the island is far less humorous than that.

One of the ethnic tristate ladies in the infinity pool told me that she loved CocoCay because it had exactly the same things that could be found on the ship itself. This proves to be correct. It is like the Icon, but with sand. The same tired burgers, the same colorful tubes conveying children and water from Point A to B. The same swim-up bar at its Hideaway ($140 for admittance, no children allowed; Royal Caribbean must be printing money off its clientele). “There was almost a fight at The Wizard of Oz ,” I overhear an elderly woman tell her companion on a chaise lounge. Apparently one of the passengers began recording Royal Caribbean’s intellectual property and “three guys came after him.”

I walk down a pathway to the center of the island, where a sign reads DO NOT ENTER: YOU HAVE REACHED THE BOUNDARY OF ADVENTURE . I hear an animal scampering in the bushes. A Royal Caribbean worker in an enormous golf cart soon chases me down and takes me back to the Hideaway, where I run into Mrs. Rand in a bikini. She becomes livid telling me about an altercation she had the other day with a woman over a towel and a deck chair. We Suites have special towel privileges; we do not have to hand over our SeaPass Card to score a towel. But the Rands are not Suites. “People are so entitled here,” Mrs. Rand says. “It’s like the airport with all its classes.” “You see,” I want to say, “this is where your husband’s love of Ayn Rand runs into the cruelties and arbitrary indignities of unbridled capitalism.” Instead we make plans to meet for a final drink in the Schooner Bar tonight (the Rands will stand me up).

Back on the ship, I try to do laps, but the pool (the largest on any cruise ship, naturally) is fully trashed with the detritus of American life: candy wrappers, a slowly dissolving tortilla chip, napkins. I take an extra-long shower in my suite, then walk around the perimeter of the ship on a kind of exercise track, past all the alluring lifeboats in their yellow-and-white livery. Maybe there is a dystopian angle to the HBO series that I will surely end up pitching, one with shades of WALL-E or Snowpiercer . In a collapsed world, a Royal Caribbean–like cruise liner sails from port to port, collecting new shipmates and supplies in exchange for the precious energy it has on board. (The actual Icon features a new technology that converts passengers’ poop into enough energy to power the waterslides . In the series, this shitty technology would be greatly expanded.) A very young woman (18? 19?), smart and lonely, who has only known life on the ship, walks along the same track as I do now, contemplating jumping off into the surf left by its wake. I picture reusing Duck Necklace’s words in the opening shot of the pilot. The girl is walking around the track, her eyes on the horizon; maybe she’s highborn—a Suite—and we hear the voice-over: “I’m 19 and I’m ready to go. I just don’t want a shark to eat me.”

Before the cruise is finished, I talk to Mr. Washy Washy, or Nielbert of the Philippines. He is a sweet, gentle man, and I thank him for the earworm of a song he has given me and for keeping us safe from the dreaded norovirus. “This is very important to me, getting people to wash their hands,” he tells me in his burger getup. He has dreams, as an artist and a performer, but they are limited in scope. One day he wants to dress up as a piece of bacon for the morning shift.

THE MAIDEN VOYAGE OF THE TITANIC (the Icon of the Seas is five times as large as that doomed vessel) at least offered its passengers an exciting ending to their cruise, but when I wake up on the eighth day, all I see are the gray ghosts that populate Miami’s condo skyline. Throughout my voyage, my writer friends wrote in to commiserate with me. Sloane Crosley, who once covered a three-day spa mini-cruise for Vogue , tells me she felt “so very alone … I found it very untethering.” Gideon Lewis-Kraus writes in an Instagram comment: “When Gary is done I think it’s time this genre was taken out back and shot.” And he is right. To badly paraphrase Adorno: After this, no more cruise stories. It is unfair to put a thinking person on a cruise ship. Writers typically have difficult childhoods, and it is cruel to remind them of the inherent loneliness that drove them to writing in the first place. It is also unseemly to write about the kind of people who go on cruises. Our country does not provide the education and upbringing that allow its citizens an interior life. For the creative class to point fingers at the large, breasty gentlemen adrift in tortilla-chip-laden pools of water is to gather a sour harvest of low-hanging fruit.

A day or two before I got off the ship, I decided to make use of my balcony, which I had avoided because I thought the view would only depress me further. What I found shocked me. My suite did not look out on Central Park after all. This entire time, I had been living in the ship’s Disneyland, Surfside, the neighborhood full of screaming toddlers consuming milkshakes and candy. And as I leaned out over my balcony, I beheld a slight vista of the sea and surf that I thought I had been missing. It had been there all along. The sea was frothy and infinite and blue-green beneath the span of a seagull’s wing. And though it had been trod hard by the world’s largest cruise ship, it remained.

This article appears in the May 2024 print edition with the headline “A Meatball at Sea.” When you buy a book using a link on this page, we receive a commission. Thank you for supporting The Atlantic.